“Chloe, it’s Jack.”
“Hi, Jack. It’s Chloe.”
“Shouldn’t we know that if we’re both using secure, top-secret phone lines? I mean, it’s the fifth season of ’24.”‘
“Shouldn’t we know that if we just looked at our cellphones and saw the name pop up?”
“Is anyone complaining about the overuse of cellphones on the show?”
“Nobody important. Certainly not Fox’s product- placement department. Jack, where are you?”
“I can’t say. But shouldn’t you know? You’re the one with the fancy satellite software.”
“Don’t read the scripts too closely. You know that’s dangerous.”
“Roger that.”
“Jack, what are you doing?”
“Driving while talking on a cellphone again. But that’s not why I called.”
“Why did you call?”
“To say we don’t have much time.”
“We established that at the start of the season.”
“Yes, but how else can we keep the tension mounting?”
“There’s no time, Jack!”
“I can’t talk, Chloe!”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Hurry!”
“OK. What else?”
“Get the coordinates for the bad guys. They’re driving aimlessly around Los Angeles looking for me, and, as usual, they’re 10 minutes out.”
“Ten minutes out from what?”
“Heck if I know. Everything in L.A. seems to be 10 minutes out. Just hurry.”
“I am. But what for?”
“Because the clock is ticking and we have to fill three more episodes before the May 22 season finale.”
“Remember that’s a two-hour finale, so save some tension.”
“I guess I’ll be frowning and cranky as usual.”
“Affirmative. Your bad attitude tests well.”
“OK, but I have to tell you, the minute I saw Audrey in that gleaming white coat I knew there would have to be red, red blood on it.”
“I’ll speak to wardrobe.”
“Also, Jean Smart’s agent called. She wants more lines, beyond popping in to suggest the president get some sleep.”
“I’ve got my hands full with William Devane’s people. He’s played Kennedys so often he thinks he’s president.”
“Jack, I also wanted to extend my condolences.”
“What are you talking about, Chloe? The dead banker? We had to kill somebody in that hail of bullets, and you knew it wasn’t going to be me or Curtis!”
“No, I meant the reviews. ‘The Sentinel’ is taking a beating.”
“Oh, that. Why can’t they see what an acting challenge it was for me to go from a special agent named Jack to a special agent named David?”
“Shortsighted.”
“Chloe, we’re losing focus. There’s no time to lose focus!”
“I’m on it, Jack.”
“Get back to me. And hurry.”
“Can I say my favorite line one more time?”
“Go for it.”
“Jack, we’re running out of time!”
“One more thing. Do you think anyone will notice if we borrow the burning-pipe bit from ‘Prison Break’ to effect an escape?”
“If they don’t mind your character’s utter lack of personality, they won’t notice that either.”
“Listen, we’re in a professional spy organization where everyone eavesdrops on everyone else and no secret is safe, so let’s keep that between us.”
“I can’t talk, Jack. They’re watching me.”
“Who? CTU?”
“No, the bloggers. It seems I’ve become a favorite since the writers offed Edgar.”
“Get back to me. And hurry.”
“Please, just once more, Jack? It’s the only thing that makes me happy.”
“Yeah, but amp up the urgency.”
“Here goes. JACK, WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!”
“I’ll call you back.”
“Of course you will.”
TV critic Joanne Ostrow can be reached at 303-820-1830 or jostrow@denverpost.com.
