Dear Amy: We have a wedding coming up in our family. An issue that has come up has taken on a life of its own.
One family related to the bride has a 15-year-old son who would like to bring a date to the wedding so that he will have someone to hang out with at the reception.
The parents of the boy have asked the bride or her parents at least two or three times if he could bring his girlfriend. Each time the answer is “no,” and the reason they cite is that they have already gone over their limit of invitees.
I think that is not the only reason – they may also feel that it is inappropriate for a teenager to bring a date and offended that he will be bored if he doesn’t have a date.
The parents have gone so far as to offer to pay the per-plate charge (which is not cheap) for the girlfriend.
The parents are now planning to ask the bride if they can pick up the date after dinner has been eaten so that she can come for the dancing.
This issue has gotten so out of hand that I am hearing that others are considering not going so that this girlfriend can go in their place.
I feel bad that the bride has to put up with this when she should be putting all of her efforts into planning her wedding.
What is your opinion on this matter? Is there any wedding etiquette regarding a teenager bringing a date to a wedding?
– Concerned Family Member
Dear Concerned: This isn’t a complicated etiquette question, but here’s a refresher: People invited to a wedding are invited to a wedding. Those not invited to a wedding are not invited. Weddings are not Cubs tickets, where you can scam an extra seat from a scalper – or give the seat to a desperate friend.
The marrying couple is under no obligation to even listen to this nonsense, and it is embarrassing that others have been drawn into this drama.
A 15-year-old who can’t manage to get through a relative’s wedding ceremony and reception without peer company might be too immature to attend the event. Maybe he and his girl should go to the movies that day.
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Dear Amy: I am writing in response to a letter from the “Bad Neighbor,” who was worried that her new neighbors would judge her because her family’s house was the worst one on their street.
I too grew up in the “dirty” house in the neighborhood. Not that it was that bad, but we were probably the poorest on the block.
With a single mom in the early ’60s – and with two young boys to raise – we did not have the best-looking house or lawn.
I remember Mom getting rid of all of the living room furniture because it was that bad – and letting us set up a car-racing set in its place until she could afford new furniture.
If it weren’t for my mom allowing our neighbors into our lives and us into theirs, we would not have survived.
She was a proud woman – and the neighbors knew it. It was amazing how many times the neighbors “made too much for dinner” and had to send it our way – how many times we got leftover clothes and things.
Our neighbors’ dads became our surrogate father, helping us with projects around the house. They became our second family.
The support we received from our neighbors was more than I could have ever asked for growing up. They never made us feel as if we weren’t good enough.
I hope that “Bad Neighbor” learns to relax. If she is good to her neighbors, they will be good to her.
– Forever Grateful
Dear Grateful: It does take a village. And even though it can be hard to ask for help or acknowledge that times are tough, I maintain that the values your neighbors demonstrated for you aren’t dead.
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