Dear Amy: My 90-year-old grandparents are moving into an assisted-living facility. For 14 years, they’ve lived in a nearby town so that my parents can help take care of them.
My aunt (my father’s sister) lives in another state and almost never visits – until now. For the past two weekends (when my parents were out of town on vacation), she has come and carted almost everything out of my grandparents’ house. Antiques, furniture and jewelry – you name it.
My grandparents have led a good life and have many things worth a lot of money. In addition, now that my aunt has everything, she says she’s too busy to help put them in assisted living! My grandparents are afraid of her because she has been prone to fly into rages.
My father confronted her. She said she “paid” for these items, but no check or record has been produced. Over the years she has done scores of atrocious things; confrontations only seem to make her more aggressive.
We don’t need money or antiques, but we do want our grandparents’ wishes to be respected, and more important is the basic principle – she has basically robbed her parents!
– Worried Granddaughter
Dear Worried: Unless they believe it would cause an unhealthy amount of stress for your grandparents, your parents should consider involving the police. In addition to investigating the robbery, they will advise your family about whether your grandparents should pursue getting a restraining order.
Your aunt’s thievery has cost your family plenty. In addition to the obvious strain, the heirlooms she took could have been sold to help finance your grandparents’ care – or they could have been kept in the family and passed along to relatives.
Your grandparents have the right to decide what happens to their worldly goods. The administration of the assisted-living facility should be notified. If your aunt is frightening or intimidating her parents, she should not have access to them without another person present.
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Dear Amy: I am writing in response to “Frustrated,” whose wife volunteered to bear a child for friends. This happened to me. My wife had friends who were lesbians and wanted a child. She volunteered me without my consent! I sat down with her and discussed the many problems. Without a lawyer involved to have responsibilities or lack thereof clearly defined, this could lead to big battles.
I told my wife I would not be able to detach myself emotionally from this child knowing I was the father. I also wondered how we would explain this to the kids we already have.
After my wife thought about it, she agreed. She was thinking with her heart at first, which is understandable. This is a major decision, and a couple’s priority should be each other.
– Been There, Not Done That
Dear Not Done That: I’ve heard from a surprising number of men telling me their wives offered up their bodily fluids without consent. I offer men the same point of view I share with women. Each of us has the right to dominion over our own body. Ladies – your husband is not your personal sperm bank!
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Dear Amy: I am responding to the woman who wondered why men don’t call when given a phone number they ask for.
Once, I gave my number to a man I met at a wedding. I felt confused as to why he would ask for my number and not call.
I called my friend to tell her how rude he was to ask for my number, then not call. She laughed because he called mutual friends and left a message saying I was the rude one because I gave him the wrong number.
We all went out that night, and he brought the paper with the number I wrote down, and it was wrong! That was 12 years and three children ago, and, yes – that man is my husband.
– Sorry, Wrong Number
Dear Sorry: Exchanging numbers is the almost foolproof way to go, though it would have denied you a terrific “meet cute.”
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