Atlanta – As far as divorces go, this one seemed like it would be smooth: No kids. Just a house and a pile of property to divide.
But as Barb Waring and her ex divvied up couches, cars and other assets, they found themselves in an emotional battle over the one piece of property with a pulse: Otis, the cat.
“It was agonizing,” said Waring. “The other stuff didn’t matter. Deciding who would keep Otis – that was the hardest.”
In the court’s eyes, the black-and-white tuxedo cat was no different from a lawn mower or Denby dinnerware. But in many American households, pets and their owners have reached an emotional zenith. Surveys say more than 60 percent of homes have pets. and when breakups happen, the destiny of furry and feathery family member can turn into a tug of war akin to child custody battles.
The animals suffer. “This can affect the routine of the dog,” said John Wright, professor of psychology at Mercer University and a certified animal behaviorist. “Dogs and cats are sensitive to changes. They can get depressed or angry.”
Twenty years ago, Atlanta divorce attorney Shiel Edlin was dismissive when a client wanted him to go to battle for a dog. “I told him I didn’t go to law school to do doggie visitation,” Edlin said.
But during that divorce process, a veterinarian scolded him for his flippant attitude. Edlin has learned that the loss of a pet during a breakup can be more heart-wrenching than losing money and material things.
“This is something I now take very, very seriously,” he said, adding that some couples negotiate with season tickets or a sports car or cash to gain custody of a pet. If both sides dig in, they draft a pet-visitation plan.
Divorce attorney Bob Boyd urges couples to consider who is the primary caretaker – the person who walks the dog, feeds the dog and makes sure the dog is up-to-date on its shots. He also suggests the splitting couple take into account their post-divorce schedules and living situations to determine who can better accommodate the pet.
Cheryl Lynn Hepfer, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, said while pets don’t have any elevated status on the books, most judges are sensitive to couples struggling with a pet’s fate. “We are not talking about a piano here,” said Hepfer.
Veterinarian Michael Good said the disputes reflect the changing relationships Americans have with their pets. Dogs, for example, mostly sleep indoors, often on a cozy bed with husband and wife. And as more couples decide not to have kids, pets are treated more like children than animals.
Elizabeth Sarabia watched her fawn-colored dachshund George become more reclusive after her divorce about five years ago. At the time, Sarabia and her ex-husband, Doug Taylor, thought George would be more comfortable staying with Sarabia and the three puppies. But the dog has struggled without Taylor’s companionship.
“He’s always been serious,” said Sarabia, a 47-year-old registered nurse who lives in Atlanta. “But now, he kind of mopes around and sits around all day.” As a result, Taylor visits George at least once a month. They often snuggle up and watch a movie together.
Then, there’s the gift-pets.
“Sometimes, a woman will call up and say, ‘My boyfriend gave me this big Lab, and now every time I look at the dog, I think of my ex-boyfriend. Will you take him?”‘ said Susan Feingold, executive director of Fulton County Animal Services. Her office receives calls almost daily from newly split couples who want to unload a pet. Her staff refers couples to no-kill shelters and offers free shots and food for those dumping pets for financial reasons.
But that’s a last resort. “I tell them, this too shall pass, things will get better, and you will be happy you have the dogs,” she said, adding that pets provide comfort during rough times.
