Dear Eric: How much wear is too much wear on personal items? If I am even middle class, I’m clinging to the bottom rung by the tips of my fingers. I know work clothing must be clean and neat, free from stains and holes. But how much wiggle room is there for imperfections?
Some examples: I went to a matinee theater performance the other day. My feet were hurting so I decided to wear sneakers, but always paranoid about doing the wrong thing I googled if sneakers were acceptable for that. It said yes, as long as they were clean sneakers. At the end of the day those new black sneakers had a white scuff mark that wouldn’t come off and the white part near the sole was less white. Are those still socially acceptable for the theater? Or are they just waste sneakers now that they don’t look perfect anymore?
My coat has a small tear on the side. I can’t afford to replace it. Is that still acceptable?
If I can’t afford to keep replacing stuff whenever it looks even a little imperfect, is it acceptable to keep wearing it if we’re not actually wearing it at work until we can afford to replace it?
— Clothes’d Off
Dear Clothes’d: I’d like to encourage you to be a little easier on yourself. Wear and tear on clothes, especially clothes that you wear socially, isn’t a crime and it isn’t always a sign of disrespect.
For example, the customs around attire at the theater have relaxed quite a bit. Even a Broadway theater wouldn’t turn you away for wearing sneakers. It matters that you’re there and when the lights go down, all eyes are going to be on the stage anyway.
I talked to a professional stylist, Erik Larson of Pretendertain (pretendertain.com), about your question. He often points out that one of the most important aspects of fashion is that you feel good. “I know how important it is to tell your story through how you present yourself to the world,” he said, noting that your conscientiousness to showing up authentically as yourself, wherever the environment, is the most important thing to consider in this case.
He continued, “I would encourage you to continue to show up for yourself and the world around you with the same confidence and thoughtfulness you’ve displayed here. And if it helps, embracing sustainability in your garments given the cyclical nature of the fashion industry is one of the best ways to be timelessly well-dressed, no matter where you are.”
Don’t worry so much about imperfection. Perfection isn’t the goal. If you can afford it, consider having tears repaired or patched, but most importantly, allow yourself some grace.
Dear Eric: I am currently in my second year of college, which I have been self-financing. I am still struggling with what to do for a future career. I just turned 20 and I feel like I am falling behind all of my peers while wasting my money. Everyone already seems to know what they want from their lives and careers, but I’m still stuck.
Do you have any advice on how to go about this?
— Stuck Student
Dear Student: First, I want to acknowledge that what you’re doing is both commendable and difficult. Paying your way through school is no small task so give yourself credit for that.
Next, itap normal to feel confusion or a lack of direction, especially at this point in your college career. There are resources on campus that can help you learn about yourself and your interests, from a career center to internship placements to class advisers and mentorships. Take advantage of those with an open mind. One of the benefits of this time is that it gives you space to experiment and discover. Thatap part of what you’re paying for.
If you continue to feel that the fit isn’t right, talk to your adviser or a trusted academic mentor about taking a year off or even transferring to a different kind of school. See what they say to that.
Also, remember that comparison is not always the truth. Your peers may have clearer ideas about where they want to go but they also might change their minds or experience the same doubts that you have. Ask yourself if the goals that a particular peer is pursuing are goals you want for yourself. If so, then adopt them and adapt them to your life. But, if not, then stop using the existence of those goals as a way of torturing yourself.
Being stuck doesn’t always feel comfortable, but itap not always a cause for alarm. Another way of thinking about it is that you’re taking the time you need to observe, learn, plan and regroup. Thatap not being stuck. Thatap standing where you belong right now.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on and sign up for his weekly newsletter at .)
