Dear Amy: I’m a middle-schooler and am wondering what I should do.
I have been going out with this boy for two weeks. My question is what do I do on a first date? So far, we have hugged and held hands. Do you think it’s going too fast or do you think that nothing is happening? What should I do? My parents know about this and have given me tips, but I just want an answer from you.
– Confused in D.C.
Dear Confused: If it feels as if things are going too fast, they probably are.
I read your letter to three young friends who are around your age – Daniel, Amanda and Alec. They pointed out that going on the right kind of “first date” can help a lot to ease the awkwardness until things feel more natural.
They suggest that instead of going to a movie, where you are just sitting there and not able to talk, you should do an activity together. Play mini-golf, go bowling or go to an arcade. Wander through a mall and stop at the food court.
My young friends think it’s smart to go out in a group, and I completely agree. That way you won’t worry so much about being a goofball. Do your best to make a good impression. Make eye contact and ask questions.
Take things slowly. Get to know each other and keep your folks posted about this relationship. They know you best and want the best for you.
…
Dear Amy: I come from a culture where it is not unusual for guests to slip small items that they find in their hosts’ house into their purses or pockets.
I used to own a piece of clothing that I purchased several years ago. A friend of the family moved to our city, and we offered to let her and her family live with us until they found a home. The mother, “Terry,” has always been a good friend. Over time, we started to miss some items. We just thought we had misplaced them.
After several months of living at our house, our friends found a place to live. We went on vacation while they prepared to move to their new home.
A few weeks ago, we were having dinner at Terry’s new home and I saw the piece of clothing that was missing. Then I noticed various other items that had come from our house.
While this disturbed my entire family, we have said nothing, and Terry hasn’t mentioned these things.
I don’t know if she realized that these items don’t belong to her or if she simply forgot to return them.
No one in my family seems to know what to do about this.
– Unsettled
Dear Unsettled: If these friends are new to this culture, then it’s time to teach them a little lesson about larceny.
You should call them on their behavior and consider that you are doing them a favor, because others might not be so charitable.
In this culture, we have a basic legal and ethical principle: No matter how humble your cottage is, no one may enter it without your consent.
You have a right to own material goods and not have your things taken from you.
Say to your friend: “Terry, I noticed some of our things at your house. Although that is part of the culture we came from, we don’t do that here.” Then ask when it would be a good time to come over to pick up your things.
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Dear Amy: A friend of ours had a unique way of settling the argument over who does the dishes. They had five children, and, of course, that means a few extra kids would show up at the dinner table.
After sitting down for dinner, everyone’s name was put in a bowl.
Depending on how many were present, two or three names were pulled out. They were the ones that cleaned up the dishes!
– Long Beach, Wash.
Dear Long Beach: This is a fantastic idea.
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