Dear Amy: I had gastric bypass surgery four years ago and lost almost 200 pounds. I now have extra skin that makes me look a little pudgy. In time, I will have surgery to remove the excess skin.
The problem is with people who have just met me. I get dieting advice from well-meaning people, which is irritating.
Yesterday when I was picking my son up from school, one of the mothers walked up to me and said she has something for me to aspire to. She tried to hand me a very small pair of jeans. I politely said, “No thank you.” This woman knows about all of the weight I have lost. She asked me two more times if I wanted the jeans and again I said, “No thank you.” All the while she was explaining how these jeans would help me lose the rest of my weight.
I was absolutely embarrassed and hurt. This took place in front of the mothers in my son’s kindergarten class.
I don’t feel the need to explain my health to every advice-giver, but I’d like a snappy comeback that’s not rude.
– A Pretty Face in Mass.
Dear Pretty Face: Magical jeans, the mere possession of which will help a person lose weight? Wow! Get me some of those!
Just be honest. Perhaps you can say, “Tipper, I think that you are probably well-meaning, but this is very embarrassing to both of us. Please put those magical jeans away, OK?”
Other unsolicited diet-related advice can be met with silence.
…
Dear Amy: I read a letter in your column from “Alison,” a 14-year-old with a messy room. Her letter perfectly described a room in our house. I felt compelled to write because our daughter started becoming messy in middle school, and her grades began a gradual decline. She, too, felt out of control, anxious and depressed.
Many arguments revolved around the state of her room.
I would strongly urge your reader to discuss her feelings with her parents. I wish our daughter had come to us sooner to tell us about her feelings.
She was diagnosed at 18 with severe ADHD, depression and anxiety. She was able to hide her feelings and conceal many of her symptoms from everyone until her senior year of high school.
I’m not suggesting that your reader has the same issues, but I want people to understand that it isn’t always “laziness.”
Our daughter has been in treatment for four years. She has held the same job for four years and has been offered a management position. She starts college this fall.
– Proud Mom
Dear Proud Mom: You have perfectly described some of the symptoms of ADHD, and I appreciate you doing so to help readers learn more about this condition and its impact on behavior – and on families.
The girl who wrote about her messy room might have a disorder such as depression, anxiety or ADHD – or she might be a slightly overwhelmed and typical teen whose room and emotions are out of control.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
