Dear Amy: I need to know how to go about talking with my son and daughter-in-law about their housecleaning, or lack thereof. I can’t understand how they live the way they do.
They have nine cats and two dogs, and it smells like a zoo at their house. I can’t even visit because of the odor and pet hair all over.
They are truly wonderful people, but what are they thinking? My main reason for concern is my grandchildren from my son’s previous relationship stay with him every other weekend.
They eat in a kitchen with several litter boxes and cats roaming all over.
Should I say something to them and risk them being mad at me, or should I just mind my own business? It’s really just the two kids I worry about. They will get to the point where they won’t want to visit him, and I think that when this happens, my son and daughter-in-law won’t even understand why.
What should I do? – A Worried Mom
Dear Worried: You should speak to your son (not your daughter-in-law) and risk his being mad at you – for the sake of these children. The fact is, your son has a responsibility to provide a reasonably healthy environment for his children to visit – his visitation arrangement could be at stake.
Be as diplomatic as possible and just say something like, “James, I don’t want to interfere but are you and Brenda overwhelmed at home? It seems like things have gotten pretty chaotic with all of the animals. I’m wondering how the kids are coping with that.” Litter boxes absolutely should not be in the kitchen. Yikes! This poses a health risk to humans and cats, and many cats won’t tolerate having litter boxes near their food (cats seem to have higher standards for cleanliness than many of their human hosts).
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Dear Amy: I think that parents losing their last child to the “real world” should go out and get back into “redating.” My parents have not been alone for about 24 years because my older sister and I took up all of their time.
I was worried about going off to college in New Hampshire three years ago and leaving my parents, not only because I would miss them terribly, but I was also worried about how they would get along with each other.
It seemed that my mom worked too much and my dad would not have the socialization that a psychologist like him needed.
Of course, I was totally wrong. My dad and mom started ballroom dancing. I am a dancer, and I was so surprised at how great they were together.
I recommend that new empty-nesters should take up a hobby they can do together. It really helped my folks!
– Celeste in Indiana
Dear Celeste: Every autumn, young people fret at how their folks will possibly get along without them when they finally fly the coop.
Emotionally healthy parents dry their eyes, and, after a suitable period of mourning, turn their kids’ rooms into home gyms and get on with their lives – just as your folks did.
Thank you for the terrific suggestion.
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Dear Amy: Responding to the letter from the person who worked in a pet shop and served as an unintended babysitter for youngsters whose parents would drop them off – this shop needs a sign like the one in our local grocery store, which is quite appropriate for the pet shop: “Children not under adult supervision will be given an espresso and a free puppy.”
– Rural Iowan
Dear Iowan: Problem fixed.
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