We the people of the United States hold these truths to be self-evident: The world kicks our keisters in basketball, baseball, hockey and soccer.
The USA, however, is now the undisputed champion of whining, our new national pastime.
We lose. We pass the buck. We did it again Thursday, when the United States somehow lost 2-1 in soccer against Ghana.
For the most arrogant nation on Earth, it might have been instructive to watch the winners from West Africa fall to their knees and give thanks to heaven, for in Ghana, nothing, not even something as basic as reliable electricity, is taken for granted.
But, in defeat, there was coach Bruce Arena playing the ugly American, complaining about a controversial decision by a referee late in the first half, a call that set up the decisive goal and booted the United States from the World Cup.
“That’s a big call, by the way, if you haven’t figured it out,” an indignant Arena told reporters in Germany. “We had control of the game and then we go into halftime down a goal.”
Somebody give our pouting boys some orange slices and send them home to get a hug from mommy.
Team USA can now lose to anybody, anywhere in any sport that we act like we invented.
But here’s the real shame: Stronger and richer than any rival on the world’s playgrounds, it’s bad form for Uncle Sam to be a bad sport.
While the World Cup fiasco will be depicted as a crisis for American soccer, losing to Ghana was not half as bad as Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson having their red, white and blue hats handed to them by Puerto Rico at the 2004 Summer Olympics.
You would think lacing up the sneakers would be enough for America to dominate in hoops. Who needs practice? Right, A.I.?
At the World Baseball Classic in March, not only was the United States unable to reach the tournament semifinals, we also lost games to our neighbors from Canada and Mexico, only encouraging the isolationists who want to build a fence around the country to protect immigrants from stealing jobs as utility infielders or relief pitchers in the American and National leagues.
After getting zambonied by Finland at the recent Winter Games, remember how spoiled star Mike Modano tried to blame the bad hockey on poor servicing of requests for hotels, tickets and airline flights?
“You’d think USA hockey would be a well-oiled machine, but it’s not,” whined Modano, acting as if America could have won gold if only we had hired a better concierge.
Whatever happened to winning gracefully and losing with dignity?
Ghana did score the winning goal on a penalty kick awarded when Markus Merk, twice honored as the world’s best soccer referee, made a bad call.
But amid the incessant griping about how the U.S. wuz robbed, what was lost was any sense of responsibility for what really went wrong.
The ball never should have been floating aloft over the penalty box in the first place, allowing American defender Oguchi Onyewu and forward Razak Pimpong of Ghana to get twisted like a pretzel, which prompted Merk to call a foul.
The fateful play, and all its potential for disaster, was carelessly pushed into the box by a reckless header from America’s Carlos Bocanegra, who, seconds earlier, could have easily thwarted Ghana’s weak threat of attack by simply tapping the ball out of bounds with his foot.
Even more unforgivable was the first goal by Ghana, when Haminu Draman devoured a stupid turnover by U.S. captain Claudio Reyna, a turnover that could not have been served on a bigger platter if it was made by the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Yet, in defeat, the USA took out its frustration with that all-American lament of losers: Kill the ump.
Hey, it’s not our fault. It never is.
Those same index fingers once waved to declare America No. 1 are now pointed in blame all too often at lumpy beds, strange food or whatever makes for a convenient excuse to shirk responsibility for another flop by a U.S. national team.
Remember when “Made in the USA” meant something?
From the basketball court to the baseball diamond, from hockey rink to the soccer pitch, it is stitched inside the uniforms of Uncle Sam’s losing teams.
And you know what is made in the USA now?
Excuses.
Staff writer Mark Kiszla can be reached at 303-820-5438 or mkiszla@denverpost.com.
