Dear Amy: I am the assistant to the president of a small organization – so small that we are the only employees of the central office.
My boss insists that he must have access to me on evenings and weekends.
He says that I must be on call to answer his business needs at any time. He justifies this by saying that he must be able to depend on my help in emergencies, but his interruptions of my leisure are usually to get a phone number or to have me send an e-mail.
There has never been a real emergency or anything that couldn’t wait until the next business day.
I have repeatedly resisted his intrusions, and once, when I refused to speak to him on the phone, he sent the police to knock on my door.
We both live in his friend’s condo building, and our office is in the basement. I am at “work” all the time.
This man is enraged by my resistance and threatens to fire me. He claims that I have “professional” status even though all I do is secretarial work. He says that this kind of 24/7 access is standard for professionals and executives.
I don’t know any professionals I can ask to confirm this.
– Exhausted Secretary
Dear Exhausted: I suppose that if you were Bill Gates’ or George Bush’s personal secretary, you might have a beeper strapped to your ankle and basically be under house arrest, but if you held a position such as that, you would be amply compensated for your time and efforts and wouldn’t notice the imposition.
Every “professional” I know makes sure to take time away from the office and the demands of work.
Your boss sounds like a jerk. Calling the police because you didn’t answer his call is obnoxious, not to mention a deplorable waste of time for the police officers that came to your home.
I assume that you receive a vacation of some sort? It would be wise to use your time off to launch an extensive job search.
For an entertaining look at the experience of a put-upon and abused assistant, check out “The Devil Wears Prada,” in a theater near you.
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Dear Amy: I am writing in response to letters from adopted people, who have written to you saying that they have located their birth families.
I was adopted; so were my daughter-in-law and a stepdaughter.
I have talked to many people who were adopted and are searching for their birth families. I would give them the following words of caution. When you are searching for your birth parents, there is good and there is bad.
The good is that you will find your family.
The bad is that you will find your family.
In any family there will be people who will be very happy to meet you and whom you will be very happy to meet.
Conversely, in any family there will be people you will not be happy to meet and who will not be happy to meet you.
You have to prepare yourself for both situations. Just look at your adopted family for guidance.
Most people have at least one uncle, aunt, brother, sister or cousin whom they despise and won’t talk to or associate with. You will meet the same situation with your biological family. Prepare for the disappointment.
However, also prepare yourself for the joy of meeting people who share a lot of your personality traits, likes and dislikes.
– Been There
Dear Been There: You are so right. All families consist of the good, the bad and the barely tolerable.
I have heard from people who have located their birth families only to be devastated that the reality didn’t match their fantasy.
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