Dear Amy: My boyfriend needs to lose weight. I have had weight ups and downs, but he continues to insist he can lose the weight at any time.
The problem is that he hasn’t lost any. He’s tall, with a big frame, so he carries the weight well, but I know that it’s unhealthy because it’s not just a few pounds; it’s like 30 pounds.
I know it only gets harder to lose weight and be in good health later in life, and because we’re so young, I think he’d be much happier if he loses now.
He’s a wonderful person and I love him very much, and I’ve told him that I worry. He tells me not to, but I can’t help it.
– Worried in D.C.
Dear Worried: You say that you aren’t bugging your guy, and good for you. However, the whole weight thing seems to have come up pretty often as a topic between the two of you.
There is a fine line between promoting a point of view and bugging someone. One person’s “I love you and want you to be slim, happy and healthy” is another person’s “I don’t quite totally love you as you are. Your losing weight would make me feel good.”
You’ve covered this topic with your guy, and now it’s time to stop discussing it – unless he brings it up.
If he’s a tall, beefy guy in the manner of Vince Vaughn, then it’s best if he holds steady and loses slowly, rather than quickly diet down (and possibly yo-yo back up) to prove a point to you.
Join a health club together to provide him with a place to work out (or not) as he chooses. Engage him in a fun, healthful and active lifestyle. Love him as he is at this moment. And let his weight be a topic between him, his physician, his mirror and his 501 Levis.
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Dear Amy: My two daughters, 21 and 25, cleaned my kitchen and bathroom on a day when I was not home.
Many items, such as all my perfumes, ended up in the garbage. The other knickknacks (including a huge basket of toiletries that I had won at the gym) ended up at the thrift shop.
My husband and I are furious. I am a reasonable person and would have been happier if they had put the stuff in a holding box and given me the option of keeping it. They maintain that I would have kept it all.
By the way, I am not a major pack rat. My daughter wants me to have a Crate & Barrel house (minimalist) – like hers.
– Margaret in California
Dear Margaret: I have to agree that their deep clean was deeply disrespectful.
I’m going to take your word for it that you’re not a pack rat with a scary toiletries hoarding issue.
So after you and your husband sit your daughters down and review the house rules (no uninvited cleaning), you should acknowledge that they no doubt mean well, but if your house resembles a flea market more than Crate & Barrel – it’s because that’s the way you like it.
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