Q: Dear Scott – I know it is a little early to be thinking about this, but my husband and I are having issues with our families at holiday time. Both of our families live here in Colorado and both are VERY family-oriented. At Thanksgiving and Christmas, my husband and I are separated because my family demands my attendance at our family functions, and his family demands his attendance at their family functions.
Now, everyone I know has given me advice on how to handle this:
1) Split up the day – this doesn’t work because the family you spend the first part with is upset that you are leaving and tries to keep you longer, and the family you spend the second part of the day with is upset because they feel second best or that they don’t get as much time as the first family (also it is difficult to have two Thanksgivings).
2) Do one day earlier or later with each family (day before or after Thanksgiving and Christmas) – the family that doesn’t get “the day” feels slighted and the entire family doesn’t want to reshow up for Thanksgiving Day Two just to see us.
3) Tell the families to get over it and start our own holiday traditions – Guilt trip central – both families have mastered guilt trips – it has been handed down from generation to generation and we are powerless to do anything about it.
There never seems to be a solution to make everyone happy. Unfortunately, neither family is willing to budge. I would hope that they would just be happy that we are all in the same state and can see each other almost any time, not just special occasions, but as the stress of the holidays hits, all logic seems to disappear.
Is there anyway to spend the holidays with my husband and not have one or both families disown us, guilt trip us, manipulate us, etc, etc??
Any new ideas would be greatly appreciated!!
Sincerely,
– Longing for a holiday season of peace, love, and harmony
SCOTT: Every so often an e-mail arrives from a poor desperate soul who barely has the strength to type, a person who’s submitted to countless beatings from their family’s manipulative guilt-ridden demands and decapitating criticism and whatever they do to try to please everyone come the holidays, it isn’t good enough.
Then again, that’s what families are for!
But really, we love our families and the good news is yours lives close by so you get to see them all year long. After carefully evaluating your options and consulting a psychic (I’m sending you the invoice), I’ve got an answer.
Now, I’m publishing this in July so you’ve got plenty of time to plan this out. Start a tradition of your own to make the holidays your annual vacation AWAY! No joke. Achieving this will be most challenging the first year but after the initial shock wears off, you’ll pull it off and you and your husband will enjoy the best, most stress-free holiday ever, guaranteed (by the psychic).
Peace out!