Q: Dear Scott, I hope you can help me; I am at a loss. I was married for 26 years. My ex left for a much younger and much thinner woman (my daughter’s age, which was hard to swallow). I am OK now; it’s been six years.
Now I am starting to date and I am a little chunky. Most men I have dated don’t seem to mind much at all but I still want to lose some weight. My question is: do men who say a woman has a biblically erotic body mean it or are they just saying this to get her in bed? Does it bother a man to be with a woman if she has a small belly or if she is meaty?
I have to say even though I have my share of suitors, I feel funny about making love to them. My ex was very mentally abusive and I am afraid he left me with very low self-esteem. Because of this I tend to chase men away or try to be something I am not. I really am lost at this dating stuff; I haven’t got a clue. I hope you can enlighten me.
-Clueless
SCOTT: Men have different reasons and motivations for what they say so it would be wrong to assume that when they say one thing they mean another. One thing’s for sure though: if you go by actions instead of words you won’t have to ask these questions. For instance, if a guy points out your curves and subsequently continues to try to get you in the sack, well then that would indicate he really digs you!
Happiness comes from within and it’s good that you understand your insecurities stem from a previous relationship. From now on look inward, not to a man for answers. And forget about the age thing; you can date whomever you want as long as he treats you well. If you feel uncomfortable being heavy, address it. If you’re OK with it, don’t. With self-acceptance and happiness comes the attraction of others who will accept you – strengths, weaknesses and curves.