Gentlemen, start your flip channels. You, too, ladies. It doesn’t get any better at Couch Commando Central than the opening weekend of the NFL season. Seems the beer is a little colder and the munchies a little crunchier when your team hasn’t lost a game.
The league has designated the Manning Bowl as tonight’s prime-time game, but a slew of others could have sufficed.
Take, for example, Atlanta at Carolina, Michael Vick vs. a defense that shut out the Giants in the playoffs. Or how about Cincinnati at Kansas City, where Carson Palmer will be testing his surgically repaired left knee against an improved Chiefs defense. If grudge matches are your thing, there’s always Chicago at Green Bay or San Diego at Oakland.
The Raiders have a new coach, Art Shell, who isn’t so new after all, having coached them from 1989-94. Shell is one of 10 new coaches. Then there are all those quarterbacks in new homes, all those rookies trying to explode on the scene, all those coaches on the hot seat trying to keep their jobs, and all those people waiting for T.O. to fly off the handle in Dallas.
We’re left to wonder how it will all play out, but this much we already know: It’s going to be an interesting ride.
Couch potato heaven
Atlanta at Carolina
11 a.m., Panthers by 5
Last Meeting: Panthers won 44-11 at Atlanta on Jan. 1.
This one ought to be interesting, what with Michael Vick having admitted that he quit on the Falcons late last season. … When, oh, when will Vick become an average passer? Not a good one, much less a great one, just an average one. He threw 15 TD passes, 13 INTs in 2005. … Dirty Birds coach Jim Mora has won each of his first two openers. … Panthers have won past two in series by combined score of 68-17. … Carolina coach John Fox has 41 Ws in first four seasons. Club had 20 in the four years before his arrival.
Prediction: Falcons 19, Panthers 17
Cincinnati at Kansas City
11 a.m., Chiefs by 2 1/2
Last Meeting: Chiefs won 37-3 at Kansas City on Jan. 1.
Carson Palmer will start for Bengals exactly eight months after he tore up his knee vs. Steelers. … Bengals led league in 2004 with plus-24 turnover gap, thanks to Palmer’s 32 TD passes, 12 INTs. … Former Chiefs assistant coach Herm Edwards will make head coaching debut with old club. His teams were NFL’s least penalized during five seasons with D-O-G-S Jets. … Bengals hoping they’re not singing this song after opener: “I Fought Ty Law and Ty Law Won.” Veteran CB tied for league lead with 10 INTs, then followed Edwards from Jets to Chiefs.
Prediction: Chiefs 27, Bengals 23
Dallas at Jacksonville
2:15 p.m., Jaguars by 2 1/2
Last Meeting: Cowboys won 21-19 at Dallas on Nov. 24, 2002.
Matchup of teams with NFL’s best opening-day records – Jags, 8-3, .727, Cowboys, 31-14-1, .689. … So you’re on the Cahboas’ bandwagon. OK, but just so you know, Drew Bledsoe is 32-32 in his past four seasons and hasn’t started a playoff game since ’97. … Jags QB Byron Leftwich has lost 10-15 pounds in an attempt to increase his mobility. … Did you know? Jags won eight of last nine games in ’05. … Jax needs more production out of wide receivers. Ernest Wilford is leading returning wideout with 41 catches. … We’re sick and tired of him, but this is where we have to tell you that Terrell Owens is a Cowboy.
Prediction: Jaguars 23, Cowboys 20
Worth the electricity
Buffalo at New England
11 a.m., Patriots by 9
Last Meeting: Patriots won 35-7 at Buffalo on Dec. 11, 2005.
Just wondering: How could GM Marv Levy (Harvard) and new coach Dick Jauron (Yale) be stupid enough to try to resurrect hapless Bills? … The good news is Pats’ Tom Brady led league with 4,110 yards passing in 2005. But that’s the bad news, too. Pats need more production from running backs, thus the selection of Mike Shanahan favorite Laurence Maroney in first round of draft. … Bills’ J.P. Losman won starting QB gig during preseason, presumably because he had a pulse and passed team physical. Dude threw only eight TD passes last season.
Prediction: Patriots 30, Bills 17
Chicago at Green Bay
2:15 p.m., Bears by 3 1/2
Last Meeting: Bears won 24-17 at Green Bay on Dec. 25, 2005.
Memo to new Packers coach Mike McCarthy: Sure you know what you’re getting into? Pack’s talent level ranks just this side of Southern Cal. … Brett Favre has 396 career TD tosses, leaving him four away from becoming second QB with 400. Of those 396, 51 have come vs. Teddy Bears, making them his favorite victims. … Word is Rex Grossman will start for Bears. Stay tuned, though, what with Brian Griese waiting in wings. … Big news in Green Bay: City’s population has moved within a thousand or two of Michigan Stadium.
Prediction: Bears 27, Packers 20
Minnesota at Washington
5 p.m. Monday, Redskins by 4 1/2
Last Meeting: Redskins won 21-18 at Washington on Jan. 2, 2005.
‘Skins have won four straight on opening day. … Brad Childress will make NFL head coaching debut for Vikings. … Antwaan Randle El joins ‘Skins, thanks to ridiculous contract rubber-stamped by owner Dan Snyder. … Mark Brunell will start at QB for Washington. And here we thought he retired two years ago. … Ex-Raven Chester Taylor starts at TB for Vikes, who’d better hope he doesn’t run like Chester on “Gunsmoke.” … Brad Johnson went 7-2 in nine starts as Vikings’ QB in 2005.
Prediction: Vikings 30, Redskins 27 (OT)
San Diego at Oakland
8:15 p.m. Monday, Chargers by 3
Last Meeting: Chargers won 34-10 at San Diego on Dec. 4, 2005.
That spread, three points or three touchdowns? … Art Shell back on Raiders’ sideline for first time since 1994. Trouble is, he could be Silver & Bleak’s best Oh lineman. … Chargers 9-7 last season despite nasty sked and minus-8 turnover figure. … Marty Schottenheimer 25-7 career vs. Raiders. … Raiders committed to improved running game. LaMont Jordan, who led club with 1,025 yards last year, could approach 1,026 this season. … Raiduhs’ Randy Moss, with 98 touchdown catches in 125 career games, could become second-fastest to 100. Jerry Rice needed 120 games to reach the century mark.
Prediction: Chargers 34, Raiders 23
Beats washing the car
Seattle at Detroit
11 a.m., Seahawks by 6
Last Meeting: Seahawks won 35-14 at Seattle on Nov. 16, 2003.
Lions have won three straight openers. It’s those other 15 games each year they can’t seem to figure out. … Lions used No. 1 draft picks on wide receivers three straight years. So who led them in catches in 2005? TE Marcus Pollard with a lousy 46. … More proof that stats are for losers in the No Fun League: Seahawks went to Super Bore last season without a receiver among top 25 in catches. … It’s just as well Jon Kitna spells his name that way. Since he’s now playing behind Putty Tats’ Oh line, he would have gotten the H knocked out of him anyway.
Prediction: Seahawks 37, Lions 16
Philadelphia at Houston
11 a.m., Eagles by 4 1/2
Last Meeting: Eagles won 35-17 at Philadelphia on Sept. 29, 2002.
Is it something in the air in Texas? Texans’ David Carr and Cowboys’ Drew Bledsoe tied for league lead in 2005 with 17 fumbles. … How pathetic was Houston Oh last season? Texans had 243 first downs, 30th in da bid’ness. … Despite crummy ’05 season, Donovan McNabb has 60-28 record (.682) as a starting quarterback, best among active QBs who’ve played enough to break a sweat. … Game marks head coaching debut of Texans’ Gary Kubiak. … DE Darren Howard makes Philly debut after piling up 44.5 sacks with Saints.
Prediction: Texans 23, Eagles 20
Baltimore at Tampa Bay
11 a.m., Bucs by 3
Last Meeting: Bucs won 25-0 at Baltimore on Sept. 15, 2002.
Can an old QB do new tricks? Ravens, who are handing controls to Steve McNair, will find out. Stevie Mac’s first order of bid’ness? Hold on to the ball. Baltimore was minus-10 in turnovers last season. … Bucs’ D ranked numero uno in the New Fangled League in ’06 at 277.8 yards per. … TB 6-0 when Cadillac Williams runs for 100-plus. … Coach on hottest seat in NFL? It could be Ravens’ Brian Billick. … Ex-Bronco Mike Anderson makes debut for Ballimore. … If you didn’t activate Bucs QB Chris Simms on your fantasy league team, you screwed up. Kid’s going to be a player.
Prediction: Bucs 24, Ravens 16
Get a life, Bubba
New Orleans at Cleveland
11 a.m., Browns by 3
Last Meeting: Browns won 24-15 at New Orleans on Nov. 24, 2002.
Time flies when you’re having misery. To wit: Ain’ts launching 40th Not For Long season in this one. … Game marks head coaching debut for Saints’ Sean Payton and playing debut for Reggie Bush. … N’Awlins was minus-24 in turnovers in 2005, prompting benching and eventual departure of Aaron Brooks. That won’t happen with Drew Brees, who threw 51 TD passes, 22 INTs in final two seasons in San Diego. … Browns QB Charlie Frye will be making sixth career start. We’d give you his stats, but they’re not worthy of this award-winning newspaper.
Prediction: Browns 16, Saints 13
New York Jets at Tennessee
11 a.m., Titans by 3
Last Meeting: Jets won 24-17 at the Meadowlands on Dec. 1, 2003.
Just wondering: How can Tin Men be 3-point favorites when neither team may score? … Kevan Barlow, snatched off the scrap heap in San Fran, will start for Jets. He averaged 10 feet a carry last season. … Check ID of Titans’ starting QB. It could be Kerry Collins or Billy Volek. One thing we know is Vince Young will get some touches. Jeff Fisher says he’ll game plan a handful of plays for draft’s No. 3 pick. … Jets’ Eric Mangini, 35, becomes youngest NFL head coach. Let’s hope he dresses better than his mentor, Bill Belichick.
Prediction: Jets 9, Titans 6
San Francisco at Arizona
2:15 p.m., Cardinals by 7 1/2
Last Meeting: Cardinals won 17-10 at San Francisco on Dec. 4, 2005.
Welcome to the Toilet Bowl 2006, ladies and germs. … At least Cardinals have stepped up their digs. Game will be played in Cardinals Stadium. Hey, if you were a corporation, would you want your name associated with the Cardinals? … Niners QB Alex Smith coming off stellar 1-TD, 11-INT rookie season. At least he didn’t trip over the 50-yard line and hurt himself. … Edgerrin James left Colts, who ran off 13 straight W’s last season, to sign with 5-11 Cards. But just so you know, it wasn’t about the money.
Prediction: Cardinals 37, 49ers 17
Read Jim Armstrong’s Opening Shots on Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday in The Denver Post sports section and on Monday in NFL Monday. His previous columns are available online at www.denverpost.com.
