When music lovers first start having children, they dress their babies in ridiculous Rolling Stones T-shirts and Metallica hoodies. But what about music selections for the nursery?
It’s not likely they’ll let rip with “Let It Bleed” or “… And Justice for All.” Common sense tells most parents those songs should come much later.
Instead, multiple CD compilations have been released recently attempting to capitalize on this parental dilemma, bringing familiar music from the past few decades into a more appropriate manifestation for babies.
Sounds terrible, right? Condescending, worse-than-karaoke compositions that lack the flavor, attitude and meaning of the original source material?
You’re mostly right. Two recent series – including Crib Rock titles “St. Elmo’s Pacifier” and “Full Metal Diaper” and VeggieTales releases “Bob and Larry Sing the ’70s” – would make any legitimate music aficionado want to drown themselves in baby formula before listening to any more.
But one outfit is on the right track. Baby Rock Records releases the first three titles of its Rockabye Baby series today, and these softened homages to Metallica, Radiohead and Coldplay contain transpositions that even hard-core fans can appreciate.
“I just try to make the music as relaxing as possible – and interesting too,” said Michael Armstrong, the arranger, performer and producer of the music on the discs. “I take the chords and melody and everything that makes a song what it is and try to play it in the most relaxing way possible, slowing the tempo down considerably and doing whatever else it takes.”
A tribute to band and baby
The series has an expansive future, with releases focusing on Pink Floyd, Tool, The Cure, The Beach Boys, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, The Pixies, Queens of the Stone Age, Bjork, No Doubt, Smashing Pumpkins and The Beatles. Each CD handpicks tracks from the band’s catalog and features artwork that is as much an homage to the group as it is a tribute to being a kid.
Fold out the Metallica liner notes, and there’s a cut-out mobile – and it’s that juxtaposition that really excites the series’ creators.
“We were most excited about turning the evil (songs and artists) into soft melodies,” said Valerie Aiello, executive producer and art director for the series. “It’s funny listening to the Tool lullabies, and in your head you’re hearing the lyrics and they’re really intense, but in reality you’re hearing kids music and it’s really good.”
“Tool is a bizarre band,” Armstrong said. “I liked them when I was younger, and then I forgot about them. They’ve changed their style, and now it’s more cold and mathematical, like King Crimson, only more cold and robotic. Radiohead has a certain sentiment to their music, and it’s light and nice but sarcastic. Coldplay is all bubbles and nice stuff.”
Some conversions are easier than others. For example, Radiohead’s music, as experimental and jagged as it can be, has an intoxicating thread of melody to it that unexpectedly makes it a natural for a hipster baby’s crib. “No Surprises” is endearing and intoxicating, an ideal example of Armstrong’s potent pairing when it comes to a song and the instruments.
“For the Radiohead album, I bought and used all these handbells,” Armstrong said. “I must’ve gotten up to 30 or 40 tracks on some of those songs.”
From headbangers to lullabies
Even Radiohead’s recording of “No Surprises” is a bit of a lullabye. This version just plays that up a bit and makes it more obvious. “Karma Police” sounds like the smart composition work of Angelo Badalamenti, almost as if it was an excerpt from his soundtrack to “Twin Peaks.”
Bringing Metallica’s “Wherever I May Roam” to life is another thing entirely. The song is sweet, and while it’s dark and moody, it’s still perfectly kid-safe, as all the menacing elements have been removed. But because Metallica is (or was) menacing, the adaptation isn’t as potent as the Radiohead work. “Enter Sandman” and “Master of Puppets” were handled with slightly more abrasive kid gloves, making them more interesting listens.
“Usually I’ll do them, and then we’ll pass them around to see what people think,” Armstrong said. “With the Metallica one, I couldn’t help but make it really scary. Needless to say, I had to tone it down.”
Not that the target audience can comprehend song titles, but some restraint was naturally shown there, as well.
“When Michael turned in the Nirvana demos, I was listening to his final mix of everything and realized he put ‘Rape Me’ on there,” Aiello said. “It was a hit, and it sounds really cool, but it’s not on the final record.
“It could have been a bad thing.”
Pop music critic Ricardo Baca can be reached at 303-954-1394 or rbaca@denverpost.com.
Tunes for ears little and big
Music for babies and small children is tricky territory. You want something age-appropriate, but you need something that isn’t going to drive you crazy.
Here are three recent releases, named in order of their overall quality.
1. “Rockabye Baby! Lullabye Renditions of Radiohead” (Baby Rock Records) These smart compositions lean heavily on Radiohead’s recent material, and the tender handling is both respectful and innovative.
2. “VeggieTales Presents: Bob & Larry Sing the ’70s” (Big Idea Records) Most parents appreciate the good-natured (if Christian-themed) sentiment of this video series, but these audio-only takes on “Funky Town” and “The Loco-Motion,” as sung by a tomato and cucumber, aren’t what you might call soothing.
3. “St. Elmo’s Pacifier” (CribRock Records) Stay away from the CribRock series, which lazily takes softened karaoke versions of songs – “Walking on Sunshine,” “Material Girl” and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” in this case – and peddles them as “baby-friendly pop tunes.”
-Ricardo Baca
