Dear Amy: My girlfriend, “Jean,” and I have been together for 18 months.
Prior to our meeting, she had been divorced from “Robert” for six months.
There is still a large picture of Jean and Robert adorning the living room wall of Jean’s mother’s home.
I find it insulting to both me and to Jean, and I interpret it as crusty Mom’s way of saying that she isn’t crazy about Jean having divorced, and that she wishes Jean was still with Robert – and not me.
Jean says that I’m being oversensitive. She says that the photo doesn’t mean a thing.
What’s your take? Should I just drop it?
– Feeling Insulted
Dear Insulted: Although I think that you could be right about Mom’s motivation for displaying this picture, you are not in a position to do anything about it. “Jean” should at least acknowledge that this bothers you. If the photo doesn’t mean anything, perhaps it should be taken down.
If you and Jean find yourselves in a long-term, committed relationship – and certainly if you decide to marry – then Jean should ask her mother to remove the picture out of the common area, and she should do so, no matter how crusty she is.
…
Dear Amy: I had tears in my eyes when I read the letter from “Stuck in the Mud,” the sophomore girl who had unintentionally made friends with a “weird” kid in high school and didn’t know how to handle it.
My son is a freshman in high school and could be described in a very similar manner. He’s the “weird” kid. He has Asperger’s syndrome.
Asperger’s is often described as social autism, and kids who are affected are incredibly bad at picking up social cues that everyone else figures out on their own, at a very early age. In our particular instance, my boy has no interest in other people and only interacts with others when he needs something. He truly does not understand the needs that most people (especially girls) have to be social.
I know that others view my son as weird and strange, even though he has a tremendous IQ. I try not to let it bother me, as it truly doesn’t bother him. But other kids with this affliction want to have friends but don’t know how.
I admire this girl for at least having the courage to be nice to this boy – most high schoolers are so worried about what other people think that they won’t break away from the herd and do the right thing.
I hope that she continues to be nice to him, knowing that she doesn’t have to become his social “mother,” but treating him in a way that any kind human being should.
– Lorrie
Dear Lorrie: I heard from many mothers of Asperger’s kids, who described the syndrome as you do and also wanted to offer “Stuck in the Mud” encouragement and support.
An important aspect of maturing is the realization that all people are different, with varying backgrounds, motivations and social skills.
It costs nothing to be kind, but kindness is a special currency.
Once you spend it, it has a way of being returned to you – with interest.
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