Zach Plante is close with his parents – he plays baseball with them and, on weekends, helps with work in the small vineyard they keep at their northern California home.
Lately, though, his parents have begun to notice subtle changes in their son. Among other things, he’s announced that he wants to grow his hair longer and sometimes greets his father with “Yo, Dad!”
“Little comments will come out of his mouth that have a bit of that teen swagger,” says Tom Plante, Zach’s dad.
Thing is, Zach isn’t a teen. He’s 10 years old – one part a fun-loving fifth-grader who likes to play with his dog and pet gecko, the other a soon-to-be middle schooler who wants an iPod.
In some ways, it’s simply part of a kid’s natural journey toward independence. But child development experts say that physical and behavioral changes that would have been typical of teenagers decades ago are now common among “tweens” – kids ages 8 to 12.
Some are going on “dates” and talking on their own cellphones. They listen to sexually charged pop music, play mature-rated video games and spend time gossiping on My Space. And more girls are wearing makeup and clothing that some consider beyond their years.
The shift that’s turning tweens into the new teens is complex – and worrisome to parents and some professionals who deal with children. They wonder if kids are equipped to handle the thorny issues that come with the adolescent world.
“I’m sure this isn’t the first time in history people have been talking about it. But I definitely feel like these kids are growing up faster – and I’m not sure it’s always a good thing,” says Dr. Liz Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City.
She and others who study and treat children say the reasons are both physical and social.
Several published studies have found, for instance, that some tweens’ bodies are developing faster, with more girls starting menstruation in elementary school – a result doctors often attribute to improved nutrition and, in some cases, obesity.
While boys are still being studied, the findings about girls have caused endocrinologists to lower the limits of early breast development to first or second grade.
Beyond the drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll that boomer and Gen-X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be in late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.
And many tweens model what they see, including common plot lines “where the kids are really running the house, not the dysfunctional parents,” says Plante, who in addition to being Zach’s dad is a psychology professor at Santa Clara University in California’s Silicon Valley.
He sees the results of all these factors in his private practice.
“You get this kind of perfect storm of variables that would suggest that, yes, kids are becoming teens at an earlier age,” Plante says.
Natalie Wickstrom, 10, of suburban Atlanta says girls her age sometimes wear clothes that are “a little inappropriate.”
She describes how one friend tied her shirt to show her stomach and “liked to dance, like in rap videos.” Girls also talk about not only liking but “having relationships” with boys.
“There’s no rules, no limitations to what they can do,” says Natalie, who’s in fifth grade.
Her mom, Billie Wickstrom, says, “Some parents make it hard on those of us who are trying to hold their kids back a bit.”
So far, she and her husband have resisted letting Natalie get her ears pierced, something many of her friends have done.
Now Natalie is lobbying hard for a cellphone and also wants an iPod.
“Sometimes I just think that maybe, if I got one of these things, I could talk about what they talk about,” Natalie says of the kids she deems the “popular ones.” It’s an age-old issue. Kids want to fit in.
But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher – with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
That point hit home when federal officials recommended this year a vaccine for HPV – an STD that can lead to cervical cancer – for girls as young as 9.
“Physically, they’re adults, but cognitively, they’re children,” says Alderman, the doctor.
Claire Unterseher, a mother in Chicago, says she only allows her children to watch public television.
And yet, already, they’re coming home from school asking to download songs she considers more appropriate for teens.
In the end, many parents find it tricky to strike a balance between setting limits and allowing kids to be more independent.
Plante, in California, discovered that recently when he and Zach rode bikes to school, as they have done since the first day of kindergarten.
“You know, Dad, you don’t have to bike to school with me anymore,” Zach said.
“It was a poignant moment,” he says. Since then, Zach has been riding by himself – a big step in his dad’s mind.
“Of course, it is hard to let go, but we all need to do so in various ways over time,” Plante says, “as long as we do it thoughtfully and lovingly, I suppose.”
