Dear Amy: This month we learned that my father is suffering from a second bout with cancer. As I did last time, I sent his hospital address to family and friends so they could send cards to him.
Unfortunately, this time he received a card that wasn’t so uplifting, from “Sherry,” a friend of mine. Among other things, the card said, “Good luck with the staff at ‘X’ Hospital – they are less than knowledgeable.” My mother said that I shouldn’t say anything to Sherry, but my father is going through another treatment at a different hospital in a few months, and even if I don’t give the address to Sherry, she is sure to ask for it.
How do I tell her politely that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?
– Concerned in Chicago
Dear Concerned: Because your mother has asked you not to say anything to “Sherry,” I believe that you should respect her wishes.
If Sherry asks to get in touch with your father again, thank her for her interest, and tell her how much it means to your father to hear messages that are positive. Tell her that if she has any negative thoughts about his health-care facility, it would be best if she didn’t share them with your dad.
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Dear Amy: I’m 18 years old and live at home with my mother because I don’t have enough money saved up to be on my own.
My problem is that my mother is overprotective of me and tries to control every aspect of my life. It’s as if I never became an adult! She treats me as if I’m a 10-year-old.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her how I feel. Can you help me take control of this situation?
– Overprotected in Indiana
Dear Overprotected: You could help her to ease up by sitting down together and asking her to agree to some basic boundaries. If you’re out of high school and working, then you two should discuss and agree upon some modified curfews, etc. You should ask your mother to trust you to manage your finances, partly because the best way to learn to manage your money is to actually do it.
You should continue to save your pennies with your goal being to live on your own. If you and your mother can set aside a time each week when you’ll do something together then she might start to back off the rest of the time. She’ll see that she’s not losing a child but gaining an adult in her life.
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