If you ever need a way to brush up on your lagging math skills, try figuring out your kid’s School Accountability Report.
Here is a relatively simple formula that may help you:
(CSAP) - (n/2 - 1) + hot air --------------------------------- = SAR 2^(-30 schools) - (.248 x 4)
To properly sort it out, though, you will need a probability calculator, an atomic clock, a protractor and a can of WD-40.
Please don’t forget to divide any answer you come up with by the numerical equivalent of “meaningless.”
There you have it: Madison and Logan are really excelling.
Yes, there is broad consensus in Colorado that school accountability measurements are an essential tool for parents. Gov. Bill Owens, and many others, should be applauded for helping bring this information to parents – over the howls of union types who seem to despise any kind of oversight.
And the newest statistics, admittedly, are quite astonishing. We’re told that the number of students attending “excellent” schools in Colorado has jumped about 63 percent since 2001.
Then again, maybe 63 percent of schools have always been excellent and just hadn’t yet mastered the art of taking the CSAP.
Who knows? Not us.
But a couple of questions before the group hug ends: What is the point of offering parents a tool that is more complicated than decoding the human genome?
And more importantly, if we’ve gone through the trouble of figuring it out, why aren’t there any repercussions?
Kids are not left back because of CSAP scores. Teachers aren’t fired for failing kids (conversely, none are rewarded for going above and beyond). And almost none of the failing schools are put under new management, as was once promised.
The consequence (or, as some would contend, the reward) for receiving “unsatisfactory” SAR marks for four straight years was that your school would be converted into a charter.
Yet, there are at least 30 schools that had been rated “low” or “unsatisfactory” two years ago that weren’t even counted in this year’s Miracle of Colorado. They were given an exemption under a bill passed by the legislature a couple of years back.
Many of those 30 schools are, doubtlessly, still failing. Many parents in those poor neighborhoods still have very few choices for their kids. There’s no accountability for them. No sterling reports. No celebrating.
Denver’s was the only school that has been transferred to a charter – after much overwrought debate. It’s now ranked “low” – which, according to the SAR score sheet, is a “significant improvement.”
When we squeeze all the information out of the SAR report, what we really learn is that schools in middle-class and prosperous neighborhoods do well and schools in “at-risk” (a silly euphemism for “poor”) neighborhoods continue to struggle.
In the overall scheme of things, we know that schools in Washington Park and Congress Park will continue to pump out overachievers. Parents are involved. They demand results.
You could expect an army of Subaru wagons to descend on the Capitol if they were confronted with an “unsatisfactory” grade.
However, this year, for instance, the score of elementary schools like (where 82.20 percent of students are eligible for free/reduced lunch) and (where 72.80 percent are eligible) fell from “low” to “unsatisfactory.”
Will they be next year’s exemptions?
Not surprisingly, Rep. Mike Merrifield says he’s already begun concocting a bill that will make the process less “punitive” (translation: will fail to hold schools accountable).
Either make SARs count for something, or let’s stop patting ourselves on the back for a job that’s only half done.
David Harsanyi’s column appears Monday and Thursday. He can be reached at 303-954-1255 or dharsanyi@denverpost.com.
