Dear Amy: I am responding to “Sad Mom,” whose Christmas will be disrupted this year because her ex-husband has invited her adult children on a cruise.
We faced a similar situation several years ago following our parents’ divorce. For several years, my dad came to Christmas at my mom’s house (so that we adult children wouldn’t be upset). When my parents started dating again, this arrangement became awkward, so we decided to split the holiday completely and do Christmas on Christmas Day with one parent and then redo Christmas days later with the other.
My mom has come to realize that Christmas isn’t really about the day that it’s on but the people you share it with.
She now prefers the years when her Christmas comes a week later.
She has an extra week to prepare for our arrival!
– Worked It Out in D.C.
Dear D.C.: Many readers responded to “Sad Mom’s” story with their own perspectives on how to get through the holidays when things don’t go as expected. Read on:
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Dear Amy: I am a daughter of divorced parents whose extended families live on opposite sides of the country. We would frequently trade off Thanksgiving and Christmas to see everyone. It was (and still is) difficult to fit in all of the celebrations, but the idea of the holidays is to spend them with the people you love.
My advice to “Sad Mom” is to try to find an alternate holiday (Thanksgiving or Easter, maybe) to make up for Christmas, if she feels she is being slighted.
I recently learned that my father did not make his child-support payments, but my mom never took away his visitation rights. She could have spent every holiday with us, but I admire that she was the bigger person. “Sad Mom” should let her kids go on the cruise. They will thank her for it in the long run.
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Dear Amy: “Sad Mom” should try facing the holidays without a child who won’t be coming home, ever.
My family is facing the first Christmas without our family member who died in Iraq on Memorial Day.
Just be thankful that your children are with you. You can volunteer to do something for someone who doesn’t have family to spend the holidays with, anything to get your mind off of yourself and onto the need of others.
– A Brokenhearted Mom
Dear Brokenhearted: Please accept my sympathy, and that of readers, for this loss. No family should have to face this, and yet so many are.
I’m sure that the holidays will be very rough for you this year. Thank you for sharing your story and for allowing the rest of us to put our pettier holiday concerns in perspective.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
