‘Tis the day before Christmas,
And all through the stadium,
76,125 creatures are stirring,
Ocho Cinco is baiting ’em.
* * *
Master Mind, all warm and cozy in his bed, had visions Friday night of Super Bowl dancing in his head.
Out on the lawn Mind heard such a clatter. It was too early for St. Nick in Cherry Hills, so he went out to see what was the matter.
A spirit in an orange-and-blue football uniform stood there shivering.
“There is no question about it. Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Mind shouted.
“Master, I am the Ghosts of Broncos Past. You can call me The Fab Four – John, Brian, Bubby and Jake The Snake. I am here to remind you of how it used to be for you at Christmas. Remember that first season when you were the Broncos’ head coach, 1995? You won on Christmas Eve at Oakland 31-28, but didn’t make the playoffs. The next season you lost in an ugly playoff upset to the Jacksonville Jagwads, but you came back the following two seasons with John and won the Super Bowl,” the poltergeist said.
“That’s when,” Master Mind said, “everyone knew I was Master Mind.”
“Oh, yes, but how did the 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005 seasons work out for you, Master? You did make the playoffs four times, but never returned to the Super Bowl. None of your QBs, including the aforementioned and Gus, got the job done. People were beginning to wonder if you were Master Mind or just some Ebenezer.”
“I coached good; they just played bad,” Master Mind cried out.
But the specter had vanished.
Master Mind was in his office at Dove Valley early Saturday going over his game plan when the door blew open and a shadowy figure materialized.
“Are you another one of those free-agent ghosts come to try to scare me. Let me guess. Bradlee?”
“No, Master, my name is Pat. I’m now being called ‘Standing Pat’ as if I’ve been standing pat with the same coach too long. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present, although don’t expect a present from me if you don’t win on Christmas Eve. This franchise has played just four times before on Dec. 24, including two postseason games, and won three. The fifth Christmas Eve game is against Cincinnati. You better not pout. I’m telling you why. No playoffs, no Orange Christmas, no Happy New Year, no Super Bowl again, no nothing.”
“But,” Master Mind said softly, “I have replaced my quarterback once more. Jay’s my man now. I’m confident. I’ve got these new glasses so I can read my playsheet, and I still have it.”
“If you don’t, your Christmas goose is cooked,” said the phantom of the office as he disappeared.
Master Mind stood out in a snow bank after practice Saturday and stared up to the sunny sky searching for the answer, but The Answer is playing for the Nuggets.
“Hello, Master.”
“Not you!” Master Mind moaned.
“Yes, I’m your worst nightmare and the Ghost of Broncos Future. It’s your old friend Drow.”
“Oh, no, Drow. Why are you here?”
“To tell you what you must do, and if you do, what will happen. You’ve got to change your evil ways. Against Cincy you must put Champ on Chad man-on-man every play, and double cover Houshmandzadeh like Katmandu, and you send a linebacker to blitzen and dancer Carson Palmer on first, second and third down. On offense you got to go back to the scheme you had when you took this job – calling every play in your territory as if you were on the Bengals’ 30. Double tight ends. Let Jay loose. Throw deep 10 times. Have him run five times. Shotgun every play. Hurry-up offense. Use all the old Elway plays because Jay can do them. Make that opening quarter script another ‘Gone With the Wind.”‘
“Wow,” Master Mind said. “By Drow, I’ve got it.”
“On Christmas Eve you will beat Cincinnati 38-17 – it’s the lock of the year – and on New Year’s Eve you will beat San Francisco, and you’ll be in the playoffs, and you’ll be the true Master Mind again,” said the Ghost of Christmas Future, who is always right.
“God bless us every one,” said Tiny Tim.
“It’s a wonderful life,” said Jimmy Stewart.
“There is a Santa Claus, and there is a miracle at Mile High,” said Kris Kringle.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good victory.
Staff columnist Woody Paige can be reached at 303-954-1095 or wpaige@denverpost.com.
