Dear Amy: I live in a well-kept neighborhood of landscaped lawns and gardens. I do the basics of mowing and raking, and my property holds no offensive items, such as rusted- out cars or trash. Still, I’m not a gardening person, nor do I wish to spend money on a landscaping company (as many neighbors do) to maintain my property.
Recently, I’ve received several rude and hostile anonymous notes telling me that my house is a “dump” and a “disgrace to the neighborhood” because my lawn care is not up to standard.
I hate to think that someone on my block is casting an evil eye on us.
I have considered posting a “buzz off” reply to this disgruntled neighbor on our neighborhood listserv, or asking next-door neighbors for their help in identifying the perpetrator. But my husband says to ignore the notes.
– Worried Over Weeds in D.C.
Dear Worried: Let us take a moment to feel sorry for this so-called neighbor, who is too cowardly to speak to you in person.
It’s not a good idea to take this to the listserv, however – these neighborhood online communities can be wonderful, but they can also serve as a delivery system for viral negativity.
If you aren’t violating zoning or association ordinances, then ignore these missives. However, you should save these notes, along with the dates that they were received. If the intensity of the language or the frequency increases, and certainly if they seem threatening, you should contact the police.
…
Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for more than a year, and I love him very much. I think that we are a perfect match and I definitely see marriage in our future. For his birthday last year, I surprised him by flying his best friend in from across the country.
Well, his best friend and my best friend met, and are now in love. But now it seems that we are playing the adult version of the children’s game “telephone.”
My boyfriend and I have typical arguments and, as I always have, I go to my best friend for advice, consolation or a swift kick in the rear. But now, when I tell my best friend how annoyed I am over what my boyfriend did, she tells her boyfriend, who then tells my boyfriend. By the time it gets back to me, it hardly resembles what it started out as and has been intensified by my letting others know “our” business. It has gotten to the point where small arguments become recurring fights.
I don’t know how to deal with my newfound lack of confidential support.
– Trapped in Virginia
Dear Trapped: Mature people learn to process some of their frustrations privately. They have the ability to sift through, do triage, and not tell their romantic partner every single thing that happens to their girlfriends. They don’t then turn around and repeat something to an involved party that they have heard third-hand, and they don’t hear a gripe fourth-hand, then twist it around.
One member of your group has to grow up already. I vote for you. If you have asked your girlfriend to keep a confidence and she can’t do it, then it’s time to withdraw your confidence. Some people just seem to repeat everything – they can’t seem to help it. If you value discretion, then save your important confidences for people who can keep them.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
