Dear Amy: I am a stay-at-home mother of two children, and I am pregnant with my third child.
My partner “Kent” earns a very nice salary; we can afford to send our small children to one of the top elite Ivy League-affiliated schools in the country and go on nice vacations. A quality education for my kids and spending valuable family time in a nice place outside our city are the two things I value, and we are willing to spend top dollar.
At the same time, I am very frugal for the most part. I am not into “nice things,” even though we can afford them, and whatever is in our checking account at the end of the month after the bills are paid, I prefer to put in separate savings accounts – one for our children and one for our retirement.
Kent’s brother “Tim” was married a few years ago. Kent put off buying a wedding gift for his brother until now. Tim is a highly successful, well-paid lawyer in D.C..
On Christmas morning, I found out on my own that Kent gave Tim a check for $1,000 as a very late wedding gift, without my consent! Kent said that he knew I would have never agreed to such a huge amount. He’s right. I would have agreed to at most $200, because Tim is not in need of our money. I would have been more forgiving if the recipient of the check were my church – in honor of the married couple.
The arrangement in our household is that all income is shared 50-50. All major purchases have to be agreed upon.
Please advise me on how to handle this. Our therapist of 2 1/2 years sometimes sees only his side.
– Checked Out
Dear Checked: You should start by giving Kent a bit of a break. From Cain and Abel to the Farrelly brothers, there is just something about the relationship between brothers that sometimes leads to nonsense such as this. Kent blew it big-time. I do need to point out, however, that a $200 wedding gift donated to your church is no more appropriate than a $1,000 gift, years after the fact.
You should each have some discretionary money to spend as you wish. It sounds as if you have plenty of income so, with some rearranging, you and Kent can each have a set amount each month to spend, gift or donate.
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Dear Amy: I live in a nice, quiet, racially mixed neighborhood. The problem is that I’m only friends with one family on my street. It seems as if people rush into their homes to avoid speaking or making eye contact with one another (even the family next door).
I’m 46 years old and came up old school. You knew everybody on the block. I speak and wave, but I would like to at least know a neighbor in case of an emergency. Just a simple “howdy” would be nice! How do I break this cycle?
– Neighborly
Dear Neighborly: Try building more of a lively community street life, one barbecue at a time. During warm months, invite neighbors over to share.Tell them that you’ve got some iced tea (or beer, if you’re so inclined) if they’d like to come out and join you. The delicious scent of barbecue could work wonders for neighborly relations.
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