Dear Amy: My husband became unemployed several months ago.
When he worked, he would stop afterward at the local bar to unwind and have a few beers. Now that he’s not working, he goes there for at least four hours every day to “see the guys and watch sports on TV.” Recently, I found out that “one of the guys” is a single woman.
She has children and doesn’t often see them. Her youngest is a boy who likes boating. We have a boat, and my husband would like to take the two of them to enjoy a Saturday on the water. I am concerned about this and told him so.
My husband says he would not have to ask my “permission” if he were taking one of the guys on the boat. He says that men can have female friends, as well as male ones.
We have had a wonderful, trusting 26-year marriage, but I do have reservations now. She has sent messages to my husband’s cellphone.
– Woman’s Intuition
Dear Intuition: There are times when it’s OK to be the jealous wife. Now, for instance.
Husbands and wives can certainly have friends of the opposite sex, but the protocol about relationships is different.
If this relationship causes you anxiety, then your trusting and loving husband of 26 years should do everything necessary to make you feel better, instead of making you feel like a jerk for worrying about it. He should invite you to join in this friendship along with him, not exclude you from it. And, yes, he should ask your “permission” to take her out on the boat.
Your husband has way too much time on his hands. He needs to find more positive ways to contribute to your family’s life.
…
Dear Amy: I am 36 years old and recently was told that I was adopted. Because my mother was on her deathbed, she wanted to get things off her conscience.
The happy moments that I had during my childhood are now tarnished. I am not against adoption, but I would have taken the news much better when I was younger. I have a lot of anger toward my parents because of the way I was told.
What do you think about this?
– Adopted in Tenn.
Dear Adopted: Your adoption should have been part of your life story from the time you were young, but your parents were part of a generation that sometimes felt it necessary to treat adoption as a family secret.
Don’t perpetuate this idea. I hope that you will choose to tell your children about this – it is not shameful, and though you’re confused about it, you should let some light in.
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