Dear Amy: I am having a financial problem. My husband and I divide most of our expenses 50/50. He makes $30,000 more than I do, but he is always behind in paying for his share of the expenses. Sometimes, he takes several weeks before he pays his share. In the meantime, I am struggling to pay my expenses.
So far, my husband owes almost $3,000 for his share of our household expenses and a vacation that we took. When I ask for his share, he becomes angry and calls me names. This situation is so serious that I am contemplating divorce. How can I get my husband to pay up?
– Broke All the Time
Dear Broke: You don’t mention what your husband is doing with all of his income, but in a marriage in which both parties contribute to the financial well-being of the family, you have a right to know where his money is going.
You and your husband should have a more equitable arrangement for your expenses, with each of you contributing proportionally to the household and retirement and savings accounts. A financial planner or a marriage counselor with an expertise in helping couples sort through financial issues would help you to let some light in and to work out a new arrangement.
If your husband won’t cooperate, then you should work with a lawyer to find out where you stand in terms of your legal rights and obligations in terms of jointly owned property, etc. If your husband has gotten himself into debt, he could drag your credit down with him, seriously affecting your future. Once you know where you stand, you can make a decision about what to do next.
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Dear Amy: Many parents of adult children are discovering that we have, apparently, made it too easy for our children for years, and now they find simple actions to be just too much trouble. It is sad.
To our chagrin, our 20something daughter is this way. She moved back home after a relationship didn’t work out. She thinks that she is helping by doing her OWN dishes after supper. I can see her eyes roll when I ask her to do all of the dinner dishes! If a load of our laundry is in the dryer when she wants to use it, she doesn’t fold the clothes in it – she dumps them for us to fold.
Now that I’ve re-read what I just wrote – I can’t believe that I haven’t been harder on her! I feel a heart-to-heart coming on.
– Frustrated Parent
Dear Parent: You need to send your daughter to “parental boot camp.” When she graduates, you should give her a move-out date. It’s time for this particular baby to grow up.
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