Dear Amy: My father became ill and passed away five years ago. My mother appointed me as her executor to handle her financial affairs because my four siblings live out of state. All has been going well, and her money has been invested cautiously to allow her to maintain her lifestyle. She is 85.
Just recently, she has accused me of mishandling her money and possibly pocketing some of the funds. She has shared her allegations with my siblings. This is not the case as I have handled things quite well, never having to tap into her principal balances.
Some of my siblings believe her and have confronted me. I have accounted for every transaction to no avail. At what point do I just walk away and divorce myself from my family?
– Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: Before you disown your siblings, you should consider resigning from your position managing your mother’s finances. Your mother might be suffering from some cognitive changes that make her suspicious and lash out – or perhaps she is just acting divisive and unpleasant as she has in the past. You might want to check with her doctor.
You should also do some research and find a financial manager who specializes in working with elderly clients. Then firmly tell your siblings that you will no longer be willing to perform this function for your mother.
Of course, this person will cost your mother some money, but it was her choice to alienate you and this is the result.
. . .
Dear Amy: Not long ago I invited a female artist friend to dinner to celebrate her graduation and subsequent art show. I intended to buy her a nice meal at a semi-expensive restaurant. To my amazement, she showed up at the restaurant with a female classmate whom I had never met. The evening went well until the waitress arrived with the check. All eyes were on me.
The bill wasn’t huge, but it was well beyond what I had planned for. How could I have gracefully paid for my friend’s dinner but not her classmate’s – when it was clear that she was anticipating my generosity?
– Burned and Confused
Dear Burned: Your friend was rude to invite someone along to a private party without asking you first. The graceful thing to do was to pay for both meals, as you did. However, grace doesn’t inoculate you from being taken advantage of. You are right to feel put upon.
If you were unable or unwilling to pick up the tab, at the end of the meal you could have said, “Janice, this is my graduation present so I’m treating you; Shannon, your share is $18.”
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
