Dear Amy: My nephew’s first marriage ended when his physically abusive wife trashed their apartment and left. Now he is about to marry again. His intended is humorless, sullen and spiteful. She treats him unkindly, treats her 9-year-old with indifference and treats his family with disdain. She is bossy, obese and has a raft of medical problems.
My nephew has told his mother (my youngest sister) that he doesn’t care for “Kate” but feels that because they’ve lived together for two years, he might as well marry her because she expects it. He has been treated for depression, and he hates everything about that.
Do you have any words of wisdom for a sad and sorry old aunt?
– Concerned Aunt
Dear Concerned: Let me start by offering some support for you. Your nephew is lucky to have you in his life – and in his corner.
Your nephew seems to find himself passively locked into abusive relationships.
His life trajectory may be influenced by his depression. Do what you can to encourage him to get treatment and counseling. If he didn’t like his previous therapist, help him find another.
Your nephew seems to have a positive relationship with his mother and you; you both should demonstrate that you care about him and are in his corner.
…
Dear Amy: My junior high school holds a graduation reception for the eighth grade on the night of the last day of school. In the past, students have gotten dressed up – it is considered by most students to be a formal evening.
At the beginning of the year, we got a new administrator who has been enforcing the dress code much more than it ever was. She has paid special attention to girls who wear shorts or skirts.
We recently received a flier issued by the school informing us that the dress code will be enforced during graduation. This would mean no halter tops or strapless dresses, no spaghetti straps or “excessively revealing clothing.” If we fail to comply, they say that we will graduate in our gym uniform.
Almost every girl is unhappy with this new rule. Most have already bought their dresses and do not wish to return them.
My dress is strapless, but it’s knee length and shows no cleavage whatsoever.
From what my friends tell me, their dresses are the same way.
The “dress code graduation” rule is new this year. The girls at my school feel that this is unreasonable. Do you think this is fair?
– Fourteen and Female
Dear Fourteen: Your school doesn’t say that you can’t graduate if you violate the dress code – only that you’ll be wearing your gym uniform instead of your strapless dress for graduation if you violate the dress code.
Your school is likely responding to the belief of some grown-ups that middle school graduations have gotten a little out of hand, with girls dressing like red-carpet wannabes.
I know that this is cold comfort to you, but you have the rest of your life to wear halter tops and strapless dresses (the next 30 years, anyway) – but you’re an adolescent only once.
Unless you can convince your administrator that her ruling is wrong, you’re going to have to live with this, I’m afraid.
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