Dear Amy: My daughter just turned 16 and received a new car. I’m so worried about her. Every day I watch the news and hear about a new accident, and I worry that one day it will be her in one of those accidents.
Without her knowing, I installed a tracking device in her car so that I can monitor where she is. I’ve also recently started reading her journal and going through her drawers to see if she is using drugs or having sex.
I know I’m going into her private space, but I just want to make sure that she’s OK. Should I be doing something differently?
– Mercedes
Dear Mercedes: You should be doing many things differently. Installing a tracking device will not make your daughter a safer driver. Knowing where the car is won’t protect her from the perils of the road, which are considerable for 16-year-olds.
I’m not sure why a 16-year-old girl has a new car before you’re confident of her driving. Unless she needs to drive herself to work, she might be better off using your family car in a limited way until you and she are confident. Studies of teen drivers show that the crash rate decreases as their age increases.
You should get your daughter to drive you places whenever possible.
Let her face various challenging situations with you in the car. She should also strictly adhere to your local laws involving the number of passengers a teen may have in the car; the more passengers the higher the risk.
Don’t read your daughter’s private journals. She has a right to her own thoughts and expressions. Unless you have some compelling reason to suspect that she is taking drugs or having sex, you shouldn’t be going through her property.
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Dear Amy: I have been with my girlfriend for three years.
I am 24; she is 22.
She has been out of college for a year and has been living at home while trying to get into law school. Instead of getting the so-called “adult job” a college graduate is expected to get, she decided to work at a retail store for nearly minimum wage.
My problem with this is that her bills and student loans of $45,000 are piling up, and she does not have any money saved. She complained about not going to Miami for spring break, and she gripes about how her parents don’t pay for anything anymore. Yet she fails to get another/better job. She is trilingual and did well in college, but she didn’t do well on her LSAT. This seems to have brought her confidence and will to a screeching halt.
Though she states that there is no pressure on me to provide the things she desires in life, I still feel the pressure to seek another job just to support her and pay my own rent and bills.
She thinks that her parents will soon provide for her.
How do I help build her confidence and desire to try hard to support herself? Is that even what I should be doing? She has so much potential, but she is in a real rut.
– Clueless in Chicago
Dear Clueless: Your girlfriend may not be cut out for law school, and if my own sampling of unhappy lawyers is accurate, one day she’ll feel that she dodged a bullet.
Don’t support your girlfriend’s habits, but support her personally.
Cheer her on. She may founder for a while, but if she’s lucky she’ll grow up and realize that she needs to be in charge of her own life.
Otherwise, she’ll be just another spoiled young adult – and that’s so unattractive.
A book that you two should share is “The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke,” by Suze Orman (2007, Riverhead).
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
