Dear Amy: My in-laws have a summer cottage on a lake in Wisconsin. The home has been in the family for 100-plus years.
From Memorial Day through Labor Day, all five of the adult children, spouses and their children are expected to report dutifully every weekend for “family fun.” My mother-in-law is so obsessed with these weekends that she has us sign a logbook.
For me, and for some of my children, this business represents forced fun at its absolute worst. While I care very much for my in-laws, I have no intention of spending every summer weekend with them, particularly when I have my own home to maintain and enjoy.
My mother-in-law is resentful when I do not visit every weekend, and she makes inappropriate comments about it to my kids. My husband understands my choosing my own weekend activities. However, he still spends about 70 percent of his summer weekends in Wisconsin, with or without me.
With yet another summer of unpleasantness looming ahead, what do you think of this?
– Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: If one person doesn’t want any time at the lake and another person wants lots of time at the lake, then the obvious compromise is to split the difference and – at the beginning of the season (that’s now) – get out a calendar and work out a basic and balanced summer schedule for the entire family.
You can’t control your mother-in-law’s resentment (that’s very much her problem), but you and your husband should insist that she not talk you down to your children. As you say, that’s completely inappropriate.
Family relationships should not be a game of capture the flag. That sort of game play should be confined to dreamy summer evenings.
…
Dear Amy: I have a suggestion for a shower for a second baby. I am expecting my second and don’t really need any new baby items.
My friends wanted to have a shower for the second baby and have decided on a great theme: a diaper shower. Instead of buying more baby clothes or gear that I don’t need, guests can buy a package of diapers – something I definitely will need.
– Second-time Mom
Dear Mom: A great idea! Perhaps your pals would also show up from time to time to take those diapers out for a spin – and help with the changing.
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