Dear Amy: My husband was laid off from a career position a few months ago, and he is “underemployed” – working nights while he searches for another position.
I have tried to be supportive and understanding, but my anger and resentment are smoldering more and more.
I keep hearing about job leads that go nowhere, and the headaches of his current “job.” I resent the financial difficulties I face at my work or at the grocery store and gas station.
I’ve found him a lead or two myself with no results.
Living in a state of frantic anticipation is almost as bad as living without health and dental care, friends, holidays and occasional fun.
How do other people come through this? Obviously, I can’t afford to see a doctor or get counseling, and we don’t belong to a church.
I know he’ll get another job, and I know he’s trying really hard.
It’s just a matter of when and whether or not I can handle the meantime.
– Anxiously Anticipating
Dear Anticipating: Ah – the meantime. When you think about it, life really is just a series of peaks and valleys and a whole lot of “mean time” in between.
But people who have survived periods like this know that when times are “mean” is when you discover what you’re really made of.
You’ll make it. Your husband will make it. It’s tough on you, but the better your husband feels about himself during this period, the easier his job search will be.
You might try a daily meditation as a way to calmly reflect on your blessings. If you can’t remember what your blessings are, make a list and include everything, no matter how small. Light a candle. Also, don’t throw out the “friends, holidays and occasional fun” with the unemployment bath water. Can you pull your bike out of the garage and take it for a spin? (Exercise is key, and if there is a way for you and your husband to do some outdoor exercise together every day, it would help both of you.) Good luck to you both.
…
Dear Amy: I truly enjoy the women I work with. We sit close together in very close quarters. It is not unusual to overhear someone having a telephone conversation.
One of my co-workers has school-age children who are home alone during the summer months and/or whenever there is a break from school.
These children call their mother frequently – it is not uncommon for there to be three or four calls in the course of an hour. More often than not, a child is asking for permission to do something. If their mother says no, it is not uncommon for them to go ahead and do it anyway, at which time one of the other siblings reports back to the mom.
How do I know all this? Because there is usually a long, loud, confrontational phone call with the offending party, which can easily be heard by co-workers without eavesdropping. The sound really carries.
Without going to the management, what is the best way to let this employee know how disruptive this constant bickering is? We don’t want to see this employee admonished, yet don’t care to be subjected to this situation on a daily basis.
Any suggestions?
– Curious Colleague
Dear Curious: Your first move should be to speak to your colleague.
I know that this isn’t a particularly fun conversation to have; it might be best to do so over coffee. You should say something like, “I’m sure you don’t realize it, but your phone calls get really loud when you’re talking to the kids, and it’s pretty hard for me to concentrate when you’re talking to them. ” End your statement with a question and your colleague will be forced to come up with an answer.
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