Dear Amy: My sister is 44 years old and has been married for 19 years. She has a teenage son. It seems she has lost her mind.
She has taken up with a 34-year-old man. Her husband and son do not know what is going on, but I do.
I am constantly arguing with her about her situation.
My sister promises me that this affair is over. She does well for a few weeks, and then I catch her in a lie and find out she has rekindled her affair.
I love my sister. We are very close. To make matters worse, my family and hers are extremely close and spend a great deal of time together.
I am struggling with my extreme disappointment with her recent choices, and questioning my love and loyalty to her.
I do not know how to reconcile this situation. I have been told to just back off, but I cannot. I can see that she is ruining her life and I am powerless to stop it.
– Worried
Dear Worried: Your sister’s choices will affect all of her relationships – not just her marriage – whether or not people are aware of what she’s doing. When your sister betrays her family and then expects you to keep her secret, she is including you in her lie. Ideally, you would find a way to reconcile this, move forward and feel good about her, but it might not be possible. Your sister is the one who should be trying to figure out how to reconcile her actions with her relationships but she doesn’t seem too worried about it.
One of the biggest challenges of being in a family is that occasionally family members behave in ways that disappoint or distress us, and we choose to love them even when we hate what they do.
. . .
Dear Amy: I take great exception to your response to “Jane” about who should send out graduation announcements – the parent or the student.
As a mother of graduating students from both high school and college, and who sweated and supported both students throughout their academic careers – and paid our son’s way through college – my husband and I are the ones announcing our sons’ graduations, and we take great pride in doing so.
We are announcing to our friends and family that we made it!
– Proud Parent
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