Dear Amy: I am a 70-year-old widow and would like to remarry. The problem is that 99 percent of men want women 10 to 20 years younger than themselves. At that rate, I would have to find an 80-to-90-year-old man and be his nurse! I am attractive, in good health, educated, well-read (including several books on finding a man), financially secure and have a good sense of humor. I even tried an Internet dating service. Ugh! It is really disgusting in my age group.
Older men either want someone to take care of them physically or financially, sometimes both, or they are so set in their ways and attached to their children and grandchildren. Even these jewels want a woman 20 years younger! Amy, you have probably never thought about this problem, nor would I have when my world was young and full of busy work, friends and love.
I am really depressed over this and hope you have some different ideas or good resources. I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to be alone at 70.
Girlfriends, family, support groups and counseling just don’t fill the void.
– Mary
Dear Mary: I don’t have any magic suggestions to make, aside from getting involved in activities, joining groups, taking classes and giving Internet dating another try. I know that it can seem that men always want someone who is younger, thinner, blonder – or simply someone else.
But your husband-search seems shallow. For instance, you criticize men for being devoted to their families.
What if you looked back in 10 years only to discover that you spent your time looking for and being disappointed by a husband who never materialized? What then? It would be great if you could use your gifts to build relationships with all sorts of people, not just men.
Until you recognize that your life encompasses a grand journey (and this marriage frustration is part of it), you’ll continue to obsess about – to paraphrase Robert Frost – the man not taken. That is a real waste of time.
…
Dear Amy: My brother and sister live with their families in the same town in which we all grew up. I ended up living about 300 miles away. Over the years, I have noticed that items are “migrating” from my parents’ home into their homes. There is one object in particular that bothers me.
In thanks for the shelter my grandmother provided a Jewish family in Germany during WW II, the family presented my grandmother with a beautiful painting. It has gone from my parents’ house to my sister’s dining room.
I realize there is no way to divide the painting three ways; it is a work of art as well as an object of significant family history and sentimental value. I love the painting for what it represents, not its monetary value. What would you think of commissioning two copies of the painting, and having all three siblings share the cost? I’m worried about bringing it up, because I’m considered something of an outsider and suggestions from me aren’t typically welcome.
– Wondering
Dear Wondering: It’s not clear why you are considered an “outsider” and why you can’t just ask your parents about the gradual migration of these family items. Your parents might not realize that you are interested in these family things.
It is possible to have a painting copied, and it sounds like a good idea. You should photograph the painting, do some research, get a couple of estimates, and ask your siblings if they’re interested in sharing the cost with you. If not, have a copy made for yourself.
