One man to respect, one to pity. Both conservative, both gay.
Larry Craig, the disgraced senator from Idaho, is a staunch conservative. He was a guaranteed pro-gun, pro-life, anti-gay vote when needed by the conservative movement.
After he was busted in a men’s room sting in the Minneapolis airport for supposedly soliciting an undercover cop, he called a press conference to deny being gay.
This denial, though, falls on deaf ears. Talking heads on both sides of the issue are justifiably skeptical. From the conservative Pat Buchanan to the liberal Daily Kos, there seems to be little debate: Despite Craig’s denial of being gay, it is assumed that he is simply a gay man in denial. When he says he is “not gay,” and he “never has been gay,” I believe he is telling the truth.
His truth, of course.
Though I have never talked with Craig, his political history and current situation give me some inkling as to what he might think about gay men. I’ve dealt with plenty of men like him in my practice. In these men’s minds, being gay has nothing to do with anything as simple as the love between two men. In this distorted world-view, to be gay means many other things, things these men never identified with.
There is an assumption — not only by Craig, but many other people, both gay and straight — that all gay men march to the same, liberal drummer. To be gay means being a pro-choice, anti-gun, anti-war, Democratic voter.
Except for those gay men who, literally, march to a more conservative drum.
Former Air Force Capt. Jon Florey is the ideal poster boy for the conservative movement. He was raised in a family of traditional values in a small town in South Dakota. He joined the Air Force in the days after Sept. 11.
“America is great because we are free to be ourselves,” he says, “And even though gay rights may not be as strong as we want them to be right now, we are still free to push for our rights. The terrorists hate our American lifestyle, our freedom, and that became obvious after 9/11. Previously, I had never felt the need to put my life on the line for my country, but 9/11 changed everything.”
Florey is a gay man. He wasn’t out before Sept. 11, but he was aware of his emotional attraction to other men. Fully aware of the limits of the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, he made a conscious decision to not come out in order to serve his country.
“After the attacks in New York and Washington, I knew that this was something I had to do. I decided to put my personal life on hold.”
Florey knew what he was up against. Yet, he had made a commitment — and he stuck with it. Though he did not deny his homosexuality, he did not announce it, either. He followed “don’t ask, don’t tell” to a tee. But his desire to lead a full life led him to leave the Air Force when it became obvious that he would need a wife to continue his career. Instead of living a lie, he left the service, with an honorable discharge and sterling recommendations from his superiors.
Sen. Craig, a man obviously struggling with his own sexuality and facing the same questions, chose a less than honorable path. Instead of dealing honestly and openly with his personal sexual questions, he instead chose to mislead the people around him. He misled the woman he married and the people of the state he represented. Worst of all, he lied to himself.
In his personal shame, Craig hid in a public restroom and pathetically tried to soothe his own demons in secret. In the process, he not only highlighted his own hypocrisy, he left a bad mark on all gay men.
Such is the nature of the gay debate. All gay men are not like Larry Craig, nor are all gay men in agreement with the liberal Democrats. Jon Florey is as conservative as Craig, but instead of following the herd and hiding his truth as Craig did, Florey led, and lived, his convictions.
That is something all Americans can be proud of.
Keith W. Swain (drkswain@mac.com) is a psychotherapist in private practice in Denver. He is author of “Dynamic Duos: The Alpha Beta Key to Unlock- ing Success in Gay Relationships,” to be published in 2008. He was a 2004 member of the Colorado Voices panel.
