Dear Amy: My husband and I have not been intimate for a long time.
He wants to. I don’t.
The last few times I cried during and after.
He’s a great guy, so I don’t know why he makes my skin crawl when he touches me.
Is it my intuition telling me that something isn’t right? He seems like the ideal husband. He helps out around the house and he takes care of my every need, but something tells me I can’t trust him. I never want to be alone with him, so I make excuses why I can’t.
He thinks that lack of sex is the only obstacle in our otherwise happy marriage, but I’m sure the problem goes beyond that. What do you suggest?
– Not A Happy Marriage
Dear Not: Your intuition could be telling you all sorts of things, but it is obvious that your marriage is in trouble.
The best and most effective way to sort this out is through professional counseling. A therapist will lead you through the discovery process of pulling away the layers of what’s going on here – and I guarantee that there are many layers to peel in any marriage.
Look for a counselor with a specialty in dealing with couples. You might want to start by going by yourself; your husband should be willing to join you at the appropriate time. In the meantime, talk to your husband about what you’re going through; he should give you the space you need to work this out.
For a wise, unsparing (and sexually explicit) view of committed couples as they grapple with issues of sex and intimacy, watch HBO’s “Tell Me You Love Me.”
Dear Amy: I disagree with your advice to 14-year-old “Emily” about trick-or-treating. No one enjoys Halloween more than I do, and I’m 79.
Here’s how it works at our house. My husband and I stock up on treats. We turn on the porch light and any other lights that make it easier for visitors to find their way. I also set the jack-o’-lantern in the front window and open the drapes so that parents can see into the room.
The little ones begin coming at about 6. The older visitors begin coming around 8. I reach into my bowl of goodies to give them a treat; I don’t invite them to help themselves. I never have to remind them to thank me. They always do. So, to Emily I would say: Please come to our house. I didn’t get to go trick-or-treating when I was young. I enjoy meeting you and your friends. You make the day special.
– Portland Gramma
Dear Gramma: Just like you, I love Halloween. In fact, I think it’s just about my favorite holiday. I’m delighted to hear from an older person complimenting teens on their behavior. Too often, teens get a bad rap.
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