I don’t normally follow the troubled lives of pop stars, but it seems none of us is immune to Britney Spears. All you have to do is turn on your computer, walk into a grocery store or open up the morning newspaper and you, too, can be witness to the unraveling of a life. Even the fat-salaried broadcast television newscasters are making, well, “news” of the singer’s life.
And while her plight is really of no significance to me, I’m still left with something to say about it all, which frankly, comes as no surprise to those who know me.
I am not familiar with the particulars of Britney’s feud with her ex-husband, but apparently the judge saw enough reason to assign custody of their two children to him, and ordered her to get a parenting coach.
I could kiss that judge.
There are days I would love the chance to talk to someone else about the way I parent and discover areas for improvement. To have someone with an objective point of view, a skilled master of human interaction, a student of psychology and a practitioner of compassion and love spending time with me and my family? Who wouldn’t want that?
I’ve seen plenty of parents with personal trainers, therapists and cooks, life coaches and mastermind groups, mentors, spiritual guides. But for the most important job of all – the thing that can change the world! – our “strategy” is simply to repeat the patterns of generations before us.
How’s that workin’? I’ll go out on a limb and say it’s not. And if you think otherwise, simply open up the paper. It’s rife with evidence that most parenting strategies have not changed over the years. And sadly, neither has the world.
We are all currently raising kids who, like it or not, are charged with changing the world. All of us are charged with this, but I’m placing my bets on the younger ones because our generation doesn’t seem to be faring so well at the moment.
So if our children are leading the world to a new and, dare I hope, better place, then I don’t know about you but that changes the way I parent. I suddenly see meaning everywhere: sibling rivalry? An opportunity for them to create peace. Power struggles? A chance to learn the art of letting go. Homework woes? Let’s talk integrity and work ethic. Food arguments? How about feeding the world and creating a planet of healthy inhabitants?
Now, a parenting coach may not transform Britney and her family into peace-loving, world-changing people. But what if one did? What if you did?
Imagine the possibilities!
As a parenting instructor, I know many of the people on the West Coast who might be considered for the job of parenting coach to Ms. Spears. And all I can say is “Wow.” By ordering her to get a parenting coach, that judge just gave an incredible gift to a young mom.
Hmmm, let’s see. Harsh, judgmental, prying eyes of the media who have no interest in what’s best for my family, versus compassionate, experienced, loving coach who wants to partner with me in creating the kind of family I desire. I know which one I’d choose.
Charla Belinski teaches the parenting course Redirecting Children’s Behavior at Youth Zone in Glenwood Springs and writes about parenting and family life for a variety of publications.
Natalie Costanza-Chavez’s Grace Notes column will resume next week.
