Dear Amy: I am dating a medical student who has very little free time.
I have done whatever possible to make this difficult time easier for him – doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and bringing him dinners.
He is very good to me, and I always enjoy seeing him. However, no matter what I do or what the situation, I take a back seat to his friends. I am either ignored or treated as “one of the guys” when they’re around.
Though he often mentions marriage, I doubt that his friends even know that we’re serious. I know that he has to make the most of his spare time, but the only time reserved for me is when he’s too tired to do much else beyond lie on his couch.
Sex has become very rare and dull. Though his excuse is often that he doesn’t have time to think about sex, he does have time in his study breaks to look at porn on the Internet.
I am considered an attractive, intelligent young woman.
Am I wasting my time with someone who may never mature, or am I asking too much? Is it worth continuing to date someone on the promise that things will improve in a few years? I, too, will be in medical school soon, so it is my fear that once my availability decreases, we will become what we’re already close to being: long-distance friends. – Kelli
Dear Kelli: Do you think you’ll be able to count on your boyfriend to cook and clean for you once you’ve started medical school? Yeah – I didn’t think so.
Stop listening only to what he tells you (between his exhausting schedule of school, friends and porn) and start paying close attention to what your boyfriend does. Notice that what he does is all about him.
People in committed relationships find ways to value and treasure their partners, even when they’re exhausted. They find ways to be intimate.
Relationships seldom improve in a few years, the way you are hoping yours will. In a few years, relationships usually become an exaggerated version of “more of the same.” Is that what you want? Yeah – I didn’t think so.
Dear Amy: Please remind parents that, when communicating with their child’s teacher, that the teacher is a human being, too. When parents berate, accuse, scream at and otherwise behave in an inappropriately hostile manner to their child’s teacher, they become a terrible model for behavior.
You contribute to your child’s well-being when you, the expert on your child, reasonably confer with the teacher. Otherwise, I will dread having to communicate with you for the rest of the year, and that is not in the best interest of your child. – Food for Thought
Dear Food: It’s parent/teacher conference time again, and I’m hearing from many teachers expressing their frustration and genuine sadness at the behavior of some parents.
One young teacher who contacted me said, “It’s amazing to me that these children function as well as they do.” That’s a person who manages to maintain an optimistic belief in children.
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