The Rockies, the Rockphiles and the Rockpile now must wait until the weekend before they know. The Red Sox bat-whipped the Indians last night, 7-1.
And a multitude of Rockphiles won’t know until Monday if they have tickets, even the “cheap” seats in the Rockpile.
During the regular season a Rockpile ticket cost $4.
A single Rockpile ticket for Game 3 of the World Series between the Rockies and the American League champions is available at the website .
For only $17,800.
I am not lying. You can look it up, unless some brain-dead billionaire already has bought the ticket.
Does that ticket come with three baths and a two-car garage? Do I get a free hot dog and a beer and a back massage with that? Do you take Visa, or can I make a down payment and have five years to pay it off? Would you accept a second mortgage on my house? From section 402, row 31, will Clint Hurdle hear me tell him when to make a pitching move?
From $4 to $17,800 is a percentage markup of … uh … um … I don’t have any idea. The only ticket worth that price is a flight around the world, first class, and I don’t want to stop in Bangkok, thank you.
Of course, other Rockpile seats are offered online for as low as $418. That doesn’t sound so swell, until you compare the ante to $17,800.
“Well, honey, we can send Johnny to college next year, or you can go sit in the Rockpile for Game 3 of the World Series.”
“Johnny can join the Marines.”
An infield box seat is going for $5,295. Gulp. But why be too close when you can sit in row 31 of the Rockpile for more than three times the amount?
Isn’t it wonderful to live in a capitalistic society? Aren’t you glad the Rockies are in the World Series, and you can go see them for a small fortune? So much for ballplayers’ salaries. A scalper will “earn” more money off the Rockies’ three World Series games than a Denver teacher will in a year. It’s the Great American Way.
Yes, there are other methods of obtaining tickets to Games 3, 4 and 5.
Live next door to Todd Helton. Be an old college buddy of Charlie Monfort’s. Surface as a long-lost relative of Bud Selig’s. Know someone at the beer companies, the car manufacturers and the razor corporations that sponsor the games on TV. Even better, cozy up to one of the Fox network executives.
Or go online, as I will, Monday morning at 10 a.m.
No offense, but I hope everybody’s computer in the world except mine goes down at 9:55 a.m. Then, I can buy 12 tickets for the three games and disperse them – like loaves and fishes – to the hundreds who have asked me for tickets. Most, I’ve never met.
“I live in Albuquerque, and I love your column and the Rockies. Could you please get me six free … ”
Delete.
“If I carry your bag … ”
Delete.
“Will you marry … ”
Delete. Delete.
Several (thousand) people are complaining about the Rockies’ new plan to sell tickets online. Some say they don’t have a computer. (How did they e-mail me?) Others prefer the time-honored tradition of standing in line – and camping out overnight – to purchase tickets.
And others, rightly so, complain that some snot-nosed kid in his mother’s basement in Hoboken, N.J., will have as much chance as someone in Denver buying tickets at . Monday morning. And, they point out, the ruthless kid will turn around and sell the tickets on eBay.
Fewer than 20,000 tickets per day will be sold. More than 200,000 people are likely to try to secure them.
The Rockies claim their plan is the fairest way to keep the tickets out of scalpers’ hands and put them into the hands of local fans.
Wrong.
But there’s still time to change the system that will make sure that their objective is accomplished.
I attempted to call several Rockies’ officials Thursday afternoon, but couldn’t reach anyone, even in the ticket office – understandably.
Here’s my proposal:
Everybody who buys one or more tickets at the website must type in his name, address, credit-card number, naturally, and an ID (driver’s license) number. Each ticket-purchaser will be able to get a computer printout (as airline passengers do online).
Then, at the gate on game night, the person who purchased the tickets must present the computer printout, the ID and the credit card for admission. The purchaser and his companions must be together, and each would receive a wristband.
The procedure would slow the process of permitting ticket-holders to pass, but we’re accustomed to airport waits, and it would guarantee that those who bought the tickets were using them and prevent scalpers with 30 computers from buying tickets and reselling them online or in the street.
Coming from a fool, this plan is foolproof.
And, no matter whether the Rockies play the Indians or the Red Sox, a Rockpile seat would cost Rockphiles the appropriate World Series price – $65 – not $17,800.
Woody Paige: 303-954-1095 or wpaige@denverpost.com
