Dear Amy: I have three daughters, ages 15 months, 4 and almost 7.
The problem is my 4-year-old is acting out with a rebellious attitude against anything my wife and I tell her to do. She always yells, “No, I don’t like you!” when she is doing something that she knows we don’t want her to do.
She has been displaying a forceful attitude toward my 15-month-old by squeezing her, pushing her down or pinching her. She has always been rebellious. She always cries when we don’t buy things for her, if she doesn’t get what she wants she always says she’s going to hit us or scratch us.
She cannot stand loud noises and can’t seem to sit still. She enjoys playing alone rather than with others.
I would rather ask for advice first to find out what might be bothering my daughter, rather then have her popping pills to calm her down. – Ripped to Shreds
Dear Ripped: A professional who can give you a thorough assessment should see your daughter right away. Based on what you report about her behavior and because she’s behaved differently since birth, she could have what’s known as a sensory integration or “processing” disorder.
There are many theories about what causes so-called “sensory” sensitivities – I have read articles suggesting that allergies can trigger this type of behavior in some children.
Your child’s teachers and pediatrician will help you get a complete picture of what’s going on with her. An occupational therapist can work with your daughter to develop strategies that will help her cope with her frustrations and teach her appropriate ways to behave. You and your wife also will learn how to respond to her behavior firmly, consistently and compassionately.
You shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that because your daughter isn’t behaving normally that medication would necessarily solve the problem. There are many other things to try, and you should get started now.
Dear Amy: I have a strange problem. Why do I always hit it off with guys when I’m out of town? It seems that no matter when or where I travel, I meet at least one great guy. I don’t get drunk or sleep with these men, so it’s not as if they’re in it for a hookup.
Thinking it was simply my frame of mind when traveling, I decided to act as if I’m on vacation (not as stressed, etc.) when I’m in my hometown too. And you know what happened? The two men I’ve hit it off with in the past month are from out of state! I’m 30, never married, professional and recently moved home after studying and traveling for five years.
Can you give me any insight into what’s happening here? – Wondering and Wandering
Dear Wondering: I love your decision to act as if you’re on vacation when you’re home. You’ve identified how important your “vibe” is when you’re trying to meet someone. My theory is that when you’re on the road, you tend to go places such as clubs or bars where other “out-of-towners” congregate.
Everyone is more relaxed and open to the possibilities, and you meet others who are also away from home.
If you don’t want to be in a long-distance relationship, you should make an effort to go places where “locals” are more likely to congregate. Join a hiking club, discussion group or service organization, and promise yourself that you will carry your vacation vibe with you.
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