Dear Amy: I live in a retirement community.
I often plan outings for friends and neighbors and do most of the driving, as some don’t drive.
I plan the itinerary and set a specific departure time.
One person I often include is seldom ready on time and resents that I expect him to be punctual. He recently said that perhaps he should no longer travel with me because I am “rushing” him.
I explained that it’s my nature to be punctual; I don’t want to keep others waiting and don’t want to arrive at a destination after a program is in progress.
I feel he should respect the schedule and be ready to travel at the set time. I resent his attitude and no longer want to invite him to participate in the group outings.
How would you handle this?
– Frustrated Trip Planner
Dear Frustrated: Out of kindness to your neighbor (especially if he can’t drive), you could ask him one more time, “George, is there anything I can do to help you be on time?” Perhaps you’d be willing to call him as you’re leaving the house, for instance.
Most likely, he will respond that it’s no big deal for you to wait for him. Then you can say: “We’ll miss having you in the group. If you’d like me to notify you about future outings, I’m happy to do it, but if you aren’t ready to go on time, then we’ll have to leave without you.” You aren’t rushing this person – he is rushing himself by not budgeting his time well.
Dear Amy : I have been married for nine years. In the beginning of my marriage, my in-laws never liked me. Then they did start liking me, but it was a front.
I am now serving less than a year for a crime I committed that didn’t involve hurting anyone. It was a computer crime.
Ever since my arrest, my in-laws are trying to get my wife to leave me. They say that I am a no-good person. My wife continues to be supportive to me and loves me more than ever.
My personal wish is that there should be no contact between my in-laws and either one of us. Do you think this is being selfish? How should I approach this difficult situation?
– Vick
Dear Vick: Let me get this straight. Your in-laws don’t like you too much. Then they start to act as if they like you, but you don’t believe them. Then you commit a crime, confirming their worst thoughts about you. Now you’d like to pile on by asking your wife not to have contact with her own parents. This is the height of selfishness.
You should focus on cleaning up your act and keeping it clean.
Dear Amy : I grew up in China and came to the United States when I was 23 years old. I didn’t know who Santa Claus was until I lived here awhile. I found the whole thing a bit silly, but it was never a concern until I gave birth to our son. He is 2 years old now, and pretty soon Christmas is going to be a big deal to him.
My husband grew up in North America. He loves the idea of Santa and insists that Santa represents the world of imagination. He wants to introduce this concept to our son.
I don’t want to stop him from doing that, but I will not show much enthusiasm about Santa, therefore it might confuse our son.
What should I do? Should I fake my enthusiasm for him, or be myself and ignore the whole thing? How do I deal with this cultural difference? – A Concerned Mom
Dear Mom: Your son is so lucky – he gets to have the best of both of your cultures! Enjoy this good fortune and introduce him to the Chinese side of his cultural inheritance. Your husband should embrace your cultural beliefs, and you should embrace his. It’s fine if you don’t respond with equal enthusiasm, as long as you respond respectfully.
For inspiration, you might pick up a copy of “American Born Chinese,” by Gene Luen Yang This well-reviewed graphic novel for middle-schoolers includes both Chinese and American cultural icons. It might give you some insight.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
