Dear Amy: I am in college.
Last year I lost my virginity to a boy and became completely infatuated with him.
We ended up going our separate ways. I started to go out on dates with various men, and he went his own way too.
Just before school started this year, he left for Iraq. We met up, and we had a fun night, if you know what I mean. We said things to each other that made me believe that he wanted me back.
Under this assumption, we continued to exchange e-mails while he was in Iraq (he’s still there). I finally asked him what he expected from me when he returned from Iraq. He told me that it wasn’t fair for him to ask me to wait for him. He said that he did not want a girlfriend but that he does miss me.
While I understand not wanting to be in a relationship because they’re stressful, I can’t understand how he can miss me but not want to be with me.
I have a huge crush on him that I can’t shake. I’m trying, but I’m afraid that if I keep talking to him now that when he comes back I might never be able to get over him. – Trouble
Dear Trouble: There is no quick shortcut to ending a crush, though putting yourself on a sort of “e-mail budget” could help. This is where you demonstrate the discipline to not contact someone too often in order to turn some of your emotional attention elsewhere.
Your guy has given you the benefit of being completely honest with you. “I don’t want a girlfriend, but I do miss you,” is a kind and delicate statement. You also need to realize the emotional risks to being sexually involved with someone. You can’t just have a “fun night, if you know what I mean,” and expect there to be no emotional fallout.
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Dear Amy: Any ideas on where teenagers should go on their dates? My boyfriend is a senior and I’m a sophomore in high school.
Neither of us has a driver’s license, so that gets in the way of our date plans.
He leaves it up to me to decide what we’re going to do and arrange it, but I’m out of ideas. Where can we go where we could be casual and have fun? – Frustrated Girlfriend
Dear Frustrated: There are plenty of things to do – if you can bum a ride. These include ice-skating or inline skating, bowling, or going to a movie and a bite at the local mall.
Otherwise, you can hang at each other’s houses or at a friend’s, go to a basketball game at your school, go for a hike or bike ride, or sit on your front porch and talk.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
