Dear Amy: I will be entertaining a fairly large number of guests for Thanksgiving dinner.
I’m expecting 28 people. Please advise me if it is rude to put the dinner plates in the dishwasher as the tables are cleared and I prepare to serve dessert.
We are having a family dispute about this. I am mostly interested in having counter space. My sister says it is rude. – Turkey Day Trauma
Dear Trauma: I agree with your sister that interrupting the flow of your feast with a full-scale kitchen cleaning would be rude, but I’d like to broker a truce by making a suggestion.
Twenty-eight guests is a huge number, and you need and deserve help. One person clearing and loading the dishwasher would probably cause a noticeable delay in the dessert course.
When the men get up to clear the main dinner course from the table, you can plug in the coffeepot and bring out the desserts and dessert plates to the table. The guys can scrape some dishes and get one load going in the dishwasher.
Thanksgiving has its own rhythm, different than a formal dinner party. My theory is that everybody (certainly the hostess) enjoys dessert a little more when they can hear the hum of the dishwasher.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to “Dutiful Grandson,” whose 94-year-old grandmother was very unpleasant and obsessed with her money.
My suggestion is to get her off the subject of her assets by asking her about how life was when she was growing up. She must have some great tales to tell with 94 years under her belt.
I am a genealogist, and I sure wish I’d asked my grandparents about their lives before they died.
My mom was my only source for a few years, and she, too, was fairly insufferable. She always lightened up when I asked her about the family. She could talk for hours. Even if “Dutiful” isn’t interested in his family history, it would sure make Grandma happy to be able to share her life with someone before she dies. – Been There
Dear Been there: Though I did offer suggestions to “Dutiful Grandson” for ways to keep in touch with his unpleasant grandmother, a number of readers offered your advice. What a wonderful suggestion.
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