Dear Amy: My husband is a cop. He has a female partner.
Recently his partner realized her biological clock was ticking away because she asked him to be a sperm donor for a child.
My husband was taken aback, said no and thought that would be the end of it, but she has continued to ask, wheedle and try to persuade him to give her “one good reason” why not. My husband is increasingly uncomfortable and wants to ask for a new partner or a transfer.
If he files a complaint against her, it will negatively affect his career, as well as hers. Can you think of any other solution? – Cop’s Wife
Dear Wife: Your husband is being sexually harassed. He deserves to work in an environment in which he can concentrate on his job, rather than fend off aggressive requests for his sperm, for goodness’ sake.
Your husband should investigate his professional options by reviewing the department’s sexual-harassment policy and his department and union’s procedures for filing a complaint.
He should also make an unequivocal statement to his partner along the lines of, “We will not discuss this further. You are way over the line; it makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to bring this up again.” He should write down the dates and times of these incidents in his diary – noting what she has said and his response – in case he chooses to take this further.
Dear Amy: It is bad enough that I have to deprogram my 8-year-old daughter after every holiday and summer vacation that she spends in the company of my nieces and nephews. They are all poster children for the disrespectful and undisciplined. Now I just found out that the oldest is pregnant. She has done this on purpose. Several of us had tried to get her on birth control, but she refused.
How am I to teach my daughter morals and to make good decisions when she is surrounded by all of this? I have tried to limit her visits, but these are the only cousins she has. – Torn
Dear Torn: You convey your own morals in hundreds of little ways, each and every day, not with mega “deprogramming” efforts.
You will stay ahead of this by acknowledging whatever is good about these other kids. Perhaps they’re fun; maybe they’re nice to your daughter. If you do this, you’ll be demonstrating that you understand how appealing these cousins might be to her. You can also say, “I don’t like the way Carly treats people. I’m glad that you understand how important it is to be respectful. I want to make sure that you never speak the way she does.”
In terms of your niece’s pregnancy, you should simply explain to your daughter that her cousin is going to have a baby. Ask your daughter what she thinks about that. She might be excited to have a new baby cousin, and that’s understandable. Then you can express your views by saying, “It’s really hard to take care of a baby, and moms and dads should be married and older before they have a baby.”
Dear Amy: I’m responding to letters from readers about dogs and children misbehaving. My, but your readers do want their public spaces to themselves – unsullied by small children who are either cranky or having too much fun, nursing mothers using nature’s feeding system, four-legged critters, waiters who smoke outside while on break.
The person who has taken offense, whose meal or outing was spoiled by others’ presence, writes to you for affirmation that only quiet fastidious adults belong in “their” public space, which others must keep free of annoyances and allergens.
Some of them need to learn to live and let live. – A World Traveler
Dear Traveler: I share your reaction. I spend most of my time out in the world, and I can’t remember the last time my day was shattered by either canines or children intruding upon it and offending me with their presence.
But if all people could “live and let live,” then I’d be out of a job.
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