Dear Amy: My husband, “George,” and I have been married for 15 years and have a 14-year-old daughter.
When I met George he was still getting over an affair he’d had with a married woman. I knew he still had feelings for “Rickie.”
Our marriage has been rocky, and I have always felt as though there are three of us in this marriage. In 1994, I discovered that George and Rickie had been seeing each other again. George and I went to counseling, and he said the relationship was deceitful but not physical, and he promised to cut off communication with her.
I recently found out that they are text messaging each other. He confessed that she contacted him again about six months ago. I am very tempted to let Rickie’s husband, “Matt,” know about this relationship.
I know that I have no control over others’ lives, and that I have to do what’s best for my daughter and me. My daughter knows that her father is carrying on with another woman and has been angry with him lately. He tries to put it all back on me.
I know that I am not setting a good example for my daughter because I am staying with an unfaithful man. I try to be honest with her and explain that I will do something once she is out of high school.— Devastated
Dear Devastated: There is one person involved in this mess who shouldn’t be — your daughter. Stop confiding in her. She isn’t your girlfriend or your therapist; she is a teenage girl, and this is her father you’re talking about. If you aren’t more careful, she may feel forced to turn on you out of loyalty to him — and she needs you very much.
I don’t like the idea of contacting “Matt” about this because, again, you are lashing out in the wrong direction.
You saw a counselor once before about this issue — you should see a counselor again to talk this through with someone who is trained to guide the conversation — not a teenage girl who has a high stake in the outcome.
Dear Amy: “It’s My Party” wrote to you about throwing her own birthday party. She also said she requested “no gifts” but her guests gave them anyway.
One way around that is to say, “No Gifts, but if you’d like to make a modest donation to XYZ charity, your check will be happily welcomed.” I held my recent 75th birthday for 40 friends at a restaurant.
They contributed more than $3,000 for a local foundation which helps those with cerebral palsy and awards scholarships to high school seniors who have made outstanding contributions through volunteer work. — Party Plus
Dear Party: I like the thought of celebrating your birthday by encouraging others to be generous. Well done!
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