Dottie Lamm is the former first lady of Colorado, the mother of two and grandmother of three. In her new book, “Daddy On Board: Parenting Roles for the 21st Century,” Lamm writes of a cultural shift in the U.S. that has seen fathers play an increased role in families and how parents balance the new roles.
Among the 10 families she studied and interviewed for the book were business executives, new Colorado Senate President Peter Groff and former state Sen. Dan Grossman.
Lamm will read from the book and take questions Tuesday at 7:30 p.m. at the Tattered Cover, 2526 E. Colfax Ave. in Denver, across from East High School. In advance of that, she talked about the book and how parenting has changed since she and former Gov. Dick Lamm were raising two kids — and running a state.
Q: The book discusses how some fathers are taking a greater role in the lives of even very young children. What forces have brought that about?
A: I think women moving into the workforce in greater numbers, and fathers being pushed to do more in the home — that’s part of it. But I think some fathers are the children of parents like Dick and I and have reached a point where they want to be more involved in their children’s lives than their fathers were in theirs.
But they aren’t angry. They just want something different.
Q: Has what you learned from other families in your research made Gov. Lamm wistful about how much he participated in raising your kids?
A: Oh yes, I think so. Dick has been saying, “Oh, I wish I had done more of that myself.”
Q: So the book focuses on fathers and their changing role .
A: Oh, there’s a lot about moms in there too. The moms today are basically happier. I see them as much happier than I was. But while they are very appreciative of the role their husbands are taking, I do think there is a little bit of a control issue. An “I’m glad that he does that, but I wish he would do it differently” situation.
Q: If fathers are more involved, and moms are happy, is there a downside to this cultural shift?
A: They have to give up some ambition to be that involved with the children.
Peter Groff is one of my participants, and he talked about giving up a possible run for governor just because it wasn’t the right time. I couldn’t see his father (former state Sen. Regis Groff) or my husband doing that.
Q: You mentioned Gov. Lamm being a little wistful about his parenting as he visits more with his grandchildren now. How about you — any regrets about your parenting?
A: I was always so torn in that I wanted to be perfect in my part-time job and in parenting and in everything. I regret that I didn’t have a more relaxed attitude.
