Dear Amy: I am 15 years old and have had a pretty good childhood.
Unfortunately, over the past two years, my family has taken a turn for the worse.
My father has a severe drinking problem. He lies to hide it and gets very agitated when we talk about it.
He claims he is not “hurting us” by drinking, but he is tearing our family apart. He has brought my mom and me to tears several times but refuses to seek help. Please help me.
— Tears From the Bottle
Dear Tears: Your father’s drinking affects the whole family; that’s why alcoholism is often referred to as “a family disease.”
Al-Anon/Alateen is an organization founded to help family and friends deal with a loved one’s drinking. You and your mother can learn strategies to cope with your father’s drinking from other people who have been through a similar rough time.
You can learn more by checking Al-Anon’s website (al-anon.alateen ) or by calling 1-888-4AL-ANON (425-2666). The website has a 20-question quiz that you should take. Answering these questions will help you to understand more about your family’s situation.
Dear Amy: My husband and I just finished building a new house. I’ve never had a laundry room before. Now my husband is using it as his hamper. He walks in there and throws his dirty clothes in the basket.
I find it insulting and disrespectful that after I do several loads he just tosses his socks or T-shirts in there the next day, like I’m the maid. I’m ready to toss him out — along with the filthy wash.
Who is right?
— Fed Up
Dear Fed: I have a feeling that this isn’t really about laundry.
If you two need to trade off doing this chore, or if you would do better with “His” and “Hers” hampers, then by all means, make a change.
Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, my father decided he’d had a lifetime of Christmas gifts and we weren’t to buy him any more. Instead, he challenged us to make him things. We could spend any amount on materials but gifts had to be created by us.
Our family would meet to brainstorm over dinner, starting in September, and managed to come up with something from everyone, often at the last minute, generally funny, always appreciated.
Gifts ran from art to apple strudel to an opera (starring him). He died in September, and what we’re discovering is how much those gifts defined our Christmases and what a gift he gave us with that challenge.
— Katie in Petaluma, Calif.
Dear Katie: You’ll miss your father this year — but his wonderful Christmas challenge has no doubt inspired plenty of people. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy @tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
