Dear Abby: I don’t celebrate Christmas and haven’t for many years.
Once in a while someone will give me a Christmas gift. (I have also received the occasional Easter gift.)
What is the correct thing to do in that situation? Some people tell me I should not accept the gift, and I should explain to the giver that I don’t celebrate these holidays. Others have told me I should accept the gift and send a thank-you note. — Esmeralda
Dear Esmeralda: Not everyone gives a gift expecting one in return. When someone presents you with a holiday gift, explain that you aren’t comfortable accepting it because you haven’t celebrated the holidays in years. Offer it back, but if it is refused, thank the giver graciously for it and also write a thank-you note. If the item is something you can use and enjoy, do so. If not, donate it to charity. If you feel inclined, consider giving the giver a gift at another time.
Dear Abby: The holidays are one of the most difficult times of the year for families mourning the death of a child. A time of festivity becomes instead one of great emptiness and sadness.
I would like to make the tens of thousands of bereaved families who read your column aware of the Worldwide Candle Lighting sponsored by The Compassionate Friends, a nonprofit self-help bereavement organization with 600 chapters in the United States, and a national presence in nearly 30 other countries.
The Worldwide Candle Lighting is held at 7 p.m. local time for one hour on the second Sunday in December (this year, Dec. 9), creating a 24- hour wave of light in remembrance of all children who have died, no matter their age or the cause of death. Also available that day at The Compassionate Friends website will be a remembrance book where visitors can post a message in memory of the child who died.
Last year, nearly 375 formal services were held in the United States by chapters of The Compassionate Friends, allied organizations and bereaved parent groups in all 50 states, Washington, D.C., and Puerto Rico. Services will also be held throughout Canada and more than a dozen countries abroad.
Anyone who is unable or who doesn’t wish to attend a formal service is welcome to light a candle in their home and share this time with family and friends. — Patricia Loder, executive director, The Compassionate Friends, USA
Dear Patricia: I’m pleased to help you spread the word. Your worthwhile organization has helped, and continues to help, grieving families through the darkest period of their lives.
Readers, check for a local candle lighting by visiting or by calling toll-free: 877-969-0010.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
