Dear Amy:
I am a fat wife. My husband would love it if I were to lose weight.
Why don’t I? My husband is emotionally distant. I woke up the other day and my first thought was, “I’m so hungry for some attention and affection.” Then I realized that this might be the reason I overeat.
He was looking at pornography on the computer, and I said to him that there is something wrong, because he has a lonely wife who would love some attention, yet that trash is what occupies him. He didn’t respond; obviously he doesn’t care.
I have told him that the way to make a woman beautiful and a great lover is to tell her she already is. He has killed me sexually.
I have no sexual feeling toward him. I was angry and told him I was going to try to weigh 300 pounds by the end of the year. I was bluffing, but he didn’t know that.
I don’t leave him because I have no money and at least I am in a house. The alternative would be worse. He has several health problems, and I am hoping he dies soon. —– Fat Wife
Dear Wife: You hold the key to your survival and the responsibility to honor your body by trying to be healthy. You need friends, support, professional help and a path out.
Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step support group for overeaters who want to explore the causes behind their behavior. Check the group’s website for a meeting near you: .
A book you should read for insight and inspiration is “Passing For Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self,” by Frances Kuffel (2004, Broadway). This is not a how-to weight- loss book, but a memoir written by a woman who walked your path, one step at a time.
Dear Amy: I am a sophomore in college, and I recently ended a bad relationship. Now that I am single, I am interested in dating again. In fact, I have a specific guy in mind. Unfortunately, this guy lives in another state. We haven’t seen each other since we graduated from high school.
I have reason to believe that he is interested in me as well, but he hasn’t said anything to me because he knew I was in a relationship.
Because we communicate mainly through personal Web pages and text-messaging, I haven’t explicitly told him I’m single, so he might not realize it. Should I just ask him if he’s interested in a relationship, or should I wait for him to say something? —– Texter
Dear Texter: It is somewhat refreshing that even for your generation (let’s call you “Gen-text”) the age-old questions of, “Will he like me? Does he like me? How can I throw myself onto his personal train tracks?” still confound people.
You could text him: “Did you know I finally broke up with X?” He’ll say, “No,” even if he really did know. Then you could say, “What do you think about that?” You don’t have to ask questions. If he’s interested, he’ll step up.
Dear Amy: I was shocked, saddened and even traumatized by your response to “Turkey Day Trauma.” Turkey Day didn’t identify her or her gender, and yet you assumed that the writer was a woman. Such sexism from you is almost beyond belief. Perhaps Turkey Day is a man, and he and his brethren of the apron cooked the entire meal.
Must men always be called upon to clear the dishes and clean up, as well? I bake, cook and often clean up too. Besides, I think that this family should just throw their plates away and buy new ones each year. — -GrandPaul
Dear GrandPaul: “Turkey Day Trauma” wrote about the age-old issue of cleaning up after Thanksgiving dinner. I apologize that my assumption that the writer was a woman has traumatized you so deeply.
Your suggestion that the plates be thrown away each year might have traumatized me in turn, but for the fact that I understand that you are most likely making lighthearted assumptions about how men and women stereotypically do household chores — much as I was doing in my reply to “Turkey Day.”
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