Dear Amy: I am a mother of a divorced son. He and his wife have joint custody of their four children ranging in age from 11 to 18. It is a bad situation in which she fought for full custody and has not been happy with the custody or the financial settlement. My son’s ex-wife has been eroding the relationship between the children and my son over the past three years by talking against him.
Over the years, I’ve given checks to the children for their birthdays and Christmas, and I’ve never received any kind of acknowledgment from the older two, unless they are with my son. I don’t have much feeling for them anymore, and I am torn about continuing to send gifts. I only see them once a year. What should I do? — Wondering Grandma
Dear Grandma: Parental alienation is a very real thing. I only wish that parents who engaged in this extremely destructive behavior realized how cruelly they were using their children — and to what end? So the kids would have fewer family members to love? Your question perfectly illustrates how, when one parent “turns” the children against the other, the kids lose more than just one parent in their lives — they lose an entire side of their own family.
Please don’t be a part of this, and urge your son to do everything possible to maintain contact with all of his children. I would challenge everybody in your family to love these children without reservation, even when it seems that there is no reciprocation.
I hope that you will choose to continue to remember your grandchildren on their birthdays and at Christmas. You should also try to be in touch with them occasionally for no special reason at all, but just because you care about them.
Dear Amy: I am almost 13, and recently I have wanted a Mohawk haircut. My Dad really hates the idea.
For the last four months I have been growing my hair out, hoping I could get it cut in a Mohawk style, but he still hates it. I think my Dad has issues when it comes to hair. I am the youngest child of five. — Sad With No Mohawk
Dear Sad: It’s a universal law of fatherhood that at some point a father will clash with his son about hair. I’m not sure why this happens, but I suspect that, as fathers age and start to lose their own hair, they try to maintain control of their sons’ hairstyles.
I can identify two advantages you possess: You’re the youngest, and if he has other sons, your father has probably fought this battle before. He’s going to tire easily. Secondly, you have the advantage of older siblings you can use as sounding boards and styling consultants, so ask for their help and opinions. They might know the best way to approach your dad in a way that won’t make him freak out.
Find a photo of the style you like and approach your father in a calm and rational way, looking for a compromise.
Dear Amy: Being an overweight wife, I would like to address the husbands who complain about their wife’s weight. What, if anything, are they doing to help these women? My husband and I will be together 10 years, and I am overweight. My husband and I are working on this together.
Do not tell overweight people that they need to lose weight. They already know that. Instead, be their partner without judgment.
My husband and I started my weight-loss program by shopping, cooking and eating together. After the meal we take a nice walk (not run). We do dishes together, and once a week we dance together.
Everyone jumps on the bandwagon to tell overweight people they are fat or unhealthy! Instead, love your wives and work with them.
I’m overweight, but with love I won’t be for long. — Another Overweight Wife
Dear Wife: Love is the answer, and you know that for sure.
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