Dear Amy: At a Fourth of July party, I met “him.” It was crazy love.
From the time I met him we were a couple. We enjoyed each other but also had our own lives with friends and activities. Our relationship was the best thing ever! Here is the thing. He is 33 years old. When I met him I told him I was 38, but I am really 46. I don’t know why I lied, but I did, and I never found a good time to come clean.
Here is the bomb. After I asked him to dig for my keys in my purse, he saw my driver’s license. When he saw the year I was born, he freaked! He immediately broke off our relationship and said I deceived him.
I don’t look 46 and certainly don’t act it! Should I try to make this work? I know he loves me, but I feel embarrassed, horrible and self-conscious.
Should I walk away from the greatest person I’ve met in a long, long, long time? — Tortured and Confused
Dear Tortured: I’m not sure what 46 is supposed to look or act like, so on behalf of middle-age people everywhere, you could start by changing your attitude about age.
In fact you did deceive your guy, and you can’t blame him for being furious.
All the same, you should try to work this out. You have nothing to lose.
You could start by apologizing and asking him to forgive you. Write a letter. Say, “I remember the Vietnam War and the Beatles. I wore hip-huggers to high school. I want to be with you, and I hope you still want to be with me. What happens next?” In terms of other people’s attitude toward your age difference — you won’t help matters by being ashamed of and denying something that, after all, you really can’t do anything about.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the letter from “Concerned.” You said a mother using the toilet while her adult son shaved in the bathroom “crossed a line.” I grew up in a family where nobody bothered to shut bathroom doors except to keep the heat in for baths and showers. Even a shut door didn’t mean other family members couldn’t come in. Your implication that there is something automatically sick or damaging or weird about this is just plain wrong. — JP
Dear JP: Perhaps this is a cultural issue, but the fact remains the fiancee who witnessed this behavior didn’t much like it, and I agreed she might not belong in this tight-knit clan.
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