Dear Margo: I have been married to a kind and sensitive man for seven years and we are very good friends. We have two young children we both adore, and our lives are comfortable and basically good. However, we have struggled with communication and intimacy problems for years. He doesn’t seem as interested in sex as I am, and I’m tired of being his teacher in bed. We are in counseling, but I’m not very hopeful it will change how he feels about sex. He is not gay, but very sensitive and emotional. I don’t really want to get divorced; I just want more excitement and passion in my life. I have had numerous crushes on other men and I really want to pursue some of these feelings. Can you tell me whether open marriages work? — Need Some Passion
Dear Need: Some do, some don’t. I have known couples where it allows them to stay together and others where this freewheeling arrangement has blown the marriage apart. I am not even sure you mean “open marriage,” because that would be when both partners have given each other “permission” to sleep with others. From the sound of things, your husband is not all that interested in sleeping with anyone.
I suspect you are thinking about having an affair. I cannot predict whether or not that would work for you because there are many variables, such as guilt, falling in love and getting caught. From what you write about your wonderful husband, you might want to sublimate your quest for excitement and passion, or at least determine where it falls on a list of things that are important in your life. Just a thought. — Margo, contemplatively
Not Exactly What You’d Call a Gracious Leave-Taking
Dear Margo: In May, I started dating a guy casually. We would get together once a week or every other week for dinner and sex. Sometimes I would sleep over at his house, other times I would leave after sex and snuggle time. Recently he informed me that he’d met someone else. Also, he told me she lost a lot of weight after undergoing gastric bypass surgery and it was easier having sex with her than with me. I have always had a problem with my weight and recently lost 30 pounds myself. I felt very hurt by his comment, but did not say anything nasty or insulting to him. I wished him good luck with his new relationship. I liked him, but did not love him. So why do I still feel rejected? — Kind of Puzzled
Dear Kind: You feel rejected because you were rejected plus, he called you fat. If he’d had more sensitivity he would have left out the part about the slimmer girl being “easier” in the sex department. In this case, that was too much information. I think what you two had was clearly a “friends with benefits” relationship, and I’m glad you were not in love with this man. I hope your next fella will offer you a real romance. — Margo, progressively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
